Second Night Audition

Your Sis is still under the weather, and we may not go anywhere this weekend after all.

I did find ABBA interview clips on YouTube, and here's what I learned about the two guys from the group: They sound like they could hail from Illinois. They have nothing like the stereotypical Nordic sing-song dialect. They extend double-vowels like they're from Canada, and they really hit the hard consonants. But otherwise, they seem to mix Britain and Germany. If we do the cartoony Swedish accent in the play, we'd need to also exaggerate everyone else's accent to keep it fair.

But I may not need to worry about it: I didn't read the part tonight. In fact, only one person did, and he was the lone new person to show up.

We had six people there tonight, not including the director and her crew. I'm one of the first to show up, and it's obvious at 7:15 that it will be a light night. Doc is back, as is a former student of my wife and another of the actresses. The latter is a ball of energy; she clearly knows the folks in charge, and she's joking around with them the whole way. The stage manager is also directing another production somewhere else (maybe the local college), and they discuss casting for that show. It appears that show may take away some people from this production. I can't be sure. I'm busy reading the script pages to remind myself what notes to hit for each character if I'm asked to read.

The two actresses take turns reading for two parts: a socialite and the newlywed wife. I read for both attorneys in one of these readings. I try to be cold for the DA, and sympathetic for the defense attorney. The director suggests we treat the nonparticipating actors as the jury, and it does give us somewhere to look. It gives both the actors and the characters an audience to play to. I don't like to worry about physical acting at this stage. I want to focus on vocal acting. But I do work in a facial gesture here and some lawyer-like posturing there.

And I can't say strongly enough how much fun it is to play a lawyer. The wife and I watch L&O:SVU reruns religiously, and my favorite play is Inherit the Wind, another courtroom drama. You don't read the attorney questions as questions; you read them as buoys for the witnesses. What the attorneys say is irrelevant until they start to build their cases, and that happens only after the various witnesses have their moments in the sun. So they're not as flashy as the PI or the gangster or the stripper or the shady Swede, but they continuously prowl the courtroom.

As the stage manager and actress discuss roles, the latter suggests she call up a guy she worked with before to be the gangster. He has a Long Island accent, which would be perfect. He's worked with the theatres in the area, and he may have his weeknights free. And before she says the name, I know she's talking about Brick from Cat. But would they really bring him in to read for only the one part? Is it possible I could lose one of the good roles to him again? It's too early to think like that, and he's not here. Also, the producer of the show has called dibs on the role of the judge.

Doc gets to read for both attorneys, and I think all three of us guys who showed up get to. The guy who comes in later, like I said, reads for the Swede, and he, well, he kinda mangles it. But he had no preparation that I know of. I do get a few director laughs when I read my parts, especially right at the end of the night. And that comes at about the hour mark, just like last night. We're reminded that the next round is in two weeks, and that wraps up this round.

Doc and I say goodnight. He's not sure if he'll make the commute for both nights of the next auditions. I don't know if he's concerned about role availability, but I don't blame him for wanting to cut out a night of driving. The roundtrip commute is longer than each audition. I did virtually the same drive for the Cat auditions, but those were a few blocks away from my office. Still, I know I'll see him in two weeks. At least for one night.

Picture of the Day
She's optimistic. And fond of Six Flags.


In the News
The WWE is, to be blunt, fucked. When they lost Eddy Guerrero to drug-related heart failure, they instituted a Wellness Policy to control their in-house drug dependency. The concern is two-fold: guys doing illegally prescribed steroids to achieve a marketable size and guys stoned to the gills on illegally prescribed painkillers. The policy states that each infraction earns a cumulatively higher penalty, including firing of the third offense. The first discovered offense gets a monthlong suspension. That means, the wrestler is sent home with no pay.

Yesterday, ten guys were tagged for breaking the policy by shopping for drugs through a disreputable source, and their departures means the WWE has to almost completely rewrite their shows for the next month. They lose three main-event guys for the Monday show alone, including the evil title contender to whom they gave a significant push. The announcement of these names comes on the same day Congress voted to push ahead with investigations into the WWE following the recent deaths of Chris Benoit and Bryan Adams. I don't see how the WWE can dodge a Congressional standoff unless it fires people who significantly break the policy. And those pink slips have to go to people with major profiles. The company has to prove it will put honor health over ticket sales, and that hasn't happened yet.

First Night Audition

I found a rather swank t-shirt in my mailbox yesterday. Is that a PC printer iron-on? I thought about doing some of those for my designs before. Your Sis seems to have picked up a bug from the students and lacks a voice. She thinks it's allergies. If that's true, the kayak trip may be off.

The theatre's default headquarters is a warehouse space on loan from a local manufacturing company. It's tucked away from the road, and I initially went to the wrong building. I figured it wasn't the place when I realized there was no way we could rehearse over the noise of the equipment. I drove down the road and notice the collection of cars outside a building that wouldn't be used at 7 p.m. normally and then found the theatre sign taped to the door.

As I walk in, I see a woman having her mugshot taken by a man with a Polaroid. I miss those cameras. Not enough to ditch my digital camera, but I used my old 600 model for years. Behind them is a table with a banner listing the name of the play. I hear the photographer explain why Witness is a no-go, a point my wife says is silly. Why not just go black box style of the scenes away from the courtroom, she wonders?

I have my callsheet in hand to turn over to the organizers, and they take it and attach my fresh mugshot to it. The girl signing up at the table was a student of my wife, and she asks me to pass along her hello. As I grab a stack of xeroxed pages from the script, I see another callsheet on the table. It's apparently been left there mistakenly. I read the name. It's the doctor from Cat On A Hot Tin Roof. The guy with memory trouble. The guy who swiped my socks.

I walk into a cobbled-together room space with two sections of chairs and a director's table facing space for the actors to stand while reading. And theres the doc. We catch up on what we've done since Cat. He's done a few other plays and played another doctor role. I'm introduced to the stage manager, a young gal of about 25. I also meet the director, who I talked to on the phone last week. She takes her place at the table and walks us through the play. The doc knows it and gives me a quick run-through. We're getting long fine. There's about five men here, including me (the youngest by decades), and three women hoping for roles.

The doc and I are first to be called up. It's a scene between the prosecutor and the medical examiner. He asks to read the attorney, and I'm fine with that. I don't get a chance to read the scene before we stand up there so I'm focused on projecting and reading at a slow, steady pace. After about six lines each, the director stops us to switch roles. Doc doesn't like that, but we read on.

The audition lasts about an hour, and it seems to be focusing on the male characters. I read for both attorneys and the shady Swedish accountant. I don't have a Swedish dialect handy, so I German my way through it. I have had time to read this scene, and I know where to add the arrogance. It goes over well. Doc is called up to read for the ME almost exclusively. He does not glow with joy. When he gets a chance to read an attorney role, he's asked halfway through to give it a New York edge. He has a substantial, warm Southern drawl, and a Yankee accent is tricky for him. I don't have an accent unless I'm around my family, so I apparently read OK.

We are told that there will be two audition batches: today and tomorrow and two weeks from now to give the folks performing Fiddler a chance. The rehearsals will start on Sept. 18, giving the cast (whoever they might be) just over a month to learn a 110+ page script. It should be pretty easy for everyone except the attorneys; most of the characters are answering questions on the stand.

Because of the short rehearsal time, I assume they will give the attorney roles to people they know. I'm a bit surprised by everyone else's lack of projection; they're talking very low, so low that they can't give inflection to the dialogue. And it's good dialogue. Flat-out noir stuff. I'm having too much fun working the lines to be nervous. I'm told that if I work on the Swedish accent, that character is essentially mine. I can live with that. A questionable character giving pointed testimony will be fun. But I've got three more nights to angle for the bigger roles.

When I go in tonight, and if I get the chance to read for the DA, I'll give it a little De Niro edge. I'm hoping I can find some Abba documentary videos on YouTube to help me pad out the Swedish. The only other reference I have on hand is Uula from The Producers, but that's a caricature accent. After that, it's mimicking Lake Woebegone or the Swedish Chef ("I didn't keel heem ya, bork bork bork.")

Picture of the Day
I assume I won't be asked to dress like this.

Entering Stage Left

Tonight is the first audition night. I have the barest trace of excitement for it. The latest paper article states the play needs 12 men and 11 women. That's a huge cast for a small community theatre play (a musical could get that many people easier). Since I don't know the play nor do I have any particular character to focus on, all I can do is go in and read the text aloud as best I can. This is a distinction from the Romeo & Juliet audition where I studied the play and practiced delivery. The articles describes the play as similar to the original planned production, and I do hope I get the chance to participate in a murder trial. This is the closest I'll get to being on Law and Order: SVU. I have my updated callsheet ready to hand to the director tonight.

Your Sis and I have postponed pre-breakfast gym visits for the time being. She needs to get acclimated to the school pace again, and she's dragging as it is when she gets home. I, on the other hand, have to stay up longer at night so I don't wake up too early in the morning. Her new batch of kids took much easier to the assignment of dissecting song lyrics, although one tried to pass off Pink Floyd verses as commentary on American foreign policy.

Picture of the Day
That's, um, an interesting ad there.

Bland

Your Sis had a thoroughly average first day at work. Seems she prepared to the point where she lost her frenetic edge, and she feels she short-changed her students. The AP kids had an essay test on the first day of school. Harsh. She was right tired by the time I got home.

Kathy and Travis leave for Deutscheland this week, and last night's wings n'rasslin was a temporary farewell.

We've made reservations for a Labor Day kayak trip, and we might catch the Montford Players this weekend for Much Ado. I've also signed up to provide a page in an online jam comic even if I do get a part in the play.

Picture of the Day
Morgan Freeman as Easy Reader from Electric Company.

Back to School

Your Sis got home at a decent hour last night, and we had a light supper. She got her clothes in order and made sure she packed everything she needed for work and went to bed early. It was almost solemn, like a ceremonial preparation for the new year. She's ready. She's spent all summer getting ready. There's nothing more she can do. The last school-related activity she tackled was to fold the last of brochures. This she did while watching taped horse racing and eventually the preseason Philadelphia-Pittsburgh game.

The fantasy league draft went better than I expected, even though I wasn't there. My team managed to snag Tom Brady and last year's Heismann-winning running back. I even go the kicker I wanted. My wide receivers are weak but had they been better, I would have developed unrealistic hopes for winning the league.

Your Sister's wrestling character turned out very well. She can compete against the male wrestlers, and I designed a championship belt for her to defend. Your Sis likes it. She also competes alongside my wrestling character to defend the Debacle World Championship. She has teaching names for the wrestling holds like the detention, suspension and expulsion (where she actually throws the opponent out of the ring by the belt and collar).

Picture of the Day
The latest mix CD for Your Sis. Here's the track list:

Eruption Van Halen
You Really Got Me Van Halen
Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy) Big & Rich
Icky Thump The White Stripes
Da Sound of Da Irish Band KRS-One/House of Pain
Here It Goes Again Ok Go
I Will Survive Gloria Gaynor
Girlfriend Avril Lavigne
Candyman Christina Aguilera
Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy (of Company B) The Puppini Sisters
Amie Pure Prairie League
Lord Is It Mine Supertramp
Russians Sting
Tongue REM
John Allyn Smith Sails Okkervil River
Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald Gordon Lightfoot


In the News
The attorney general quit Friday and will announce it today. The first analysis I heard about this on the radio said the Democrats won by cruelly treeing Gonzales and pressuring him to resign. This ignores what Gonzales did to hang himself and growing Republican panic that the administration's tone will lead to greater Democrat gains in Congressional elections. The administration has a little over a year to bolster the reputation its party, and the departures of Rove and Gonzales can only help. Even the press secretary said he wouldn't last until January of 2009.

+ + +

Also facing the music is Michael Vick, and I can't remember a more prominent active athlete dropping so hard from a lofty perch. He was in the top ten of NFL quarterbacks every year he played. This isn't the biggest scandal for an active NFL player. Carolina had a wide receiver who plotted the death of his significant other, and Baltimore linebacker Ray Lewis was found not guilty of manslaughter during the offseason a few years back.

Fishy Business

Your Sis just called to say she got her brochures from the local print shop after two rounds of excuses. Yesterday, they announced a full invoice price with no deductions for service errors. Today, they handed her the prints but had no idea how many were in each bundle. Is it a full thousand? No one knows. Also, their press broke last night, and they had a competing shop run the remainder of the order. Then they passed the price of that order onto Your Sister. That other shop, by the way, is the company that got my order so horribly wrong in the winter.

Lesson learned: There is no reliable printer in Mayberry.

We drowned our sorrows in lamb curry and ice cream. There was no pre-breakfast workout this morning, but we will do something tomorrow. I'd like to run at the school again, but I'm her gym buddy.

Picture of the Day
Disney is taking The Little Mermaid to Broadway after a preview run in Denver. This was the movie that reinvigorated Disney after about decades of forgettable stuff. Really, unless the title includes the words "Witch Mountain," it probably stunk. Although Pete's Dragon was just fine for a single-digit-aged me. The one person who I think would soil herself with joy about the Mermaid show is my ex, and we ain't talkin'. What I am for comics and wrestling, she was to '80s musicals. Lion King was supposed to be amazing on stage, Tarzan is just about to close after a disappointing run, and Beauty and the Beast is closing so Mermaid can use the theatre.

The cartoon is mostly remembered now for two bizarre phalluses, one in the original poster and the other during the wedding ceremony. The animation is almost quaint by today's standards; I remember the whirlpool scene used some CGI. But the music holds up. "Kiss the Girl" is a standout song. Any musical would give up its stage manager to get that tune. The vocal students at my first college would sing the score while playing pool, especially one guy I've known since elementary school. He did a great Ursula the Sea Witch. Mermaid was one generation's first successful musical, and it paved the way for the form to come back to theatres, although it took South Park to prove someone other than Disney could make money at it.

Still, my favorite Disney cartoon remains Aladdin. We won't talk about Hunchback of Notre Dame or Pocahontas.

Bad Business

Your Sis made a brochure for the new school year and handed it over to a local printer, adopted a haughty demeanor, pointed with steely glare, and yelled "make it so, cur!" It works much better on retail clerks than me; it takes more than that to get me to do the dishes.

It was a straight-forward print job. A tri-fold, double-sided, letter-sized brochure. It has some spot color. She turned it in before we left for Washington. She received a call yesterday (Wednesday) saying there was a problem with the job. The local printer sent it to another shop (they apparently can't handle color locally), and the other site couldn't read her file's fonts. I saw the file as she designed it. She's not using archaic typefaces. Any print shop with automatic Microsoft Office updates would get them; even her hamster-powered laptop got the updates. She decided to run the brochure in b/w so the local printer could handle the job, and they offered to meet her today before they officially opened to get the job done before school starts Monday.

You Sis says she would have had no idea how to handle this if I hadn't spoken of my own print jobs. And the print shop did two things very bad things:

1) They didn't tell her that the job would be sent to another facility with potential difficulties in fie handling.

2) They waited ten days to tell her they had a problem. Granted, they knew she was out of town last week. Let's set aside the possibility of calling her cell phone to inform her of this. They knew she returned Saturday and waited additional four days to inform her of the problem.

She won't use them again even if they handle the b/w print just fine. By the way, she went to this shop because I discouraged her from going to the other local shop, as they royally screwed up my magnet order back in January.

We talked volleyball last night. The school hired a team of spouses to handle both teams. I know the husband coaches local volleyball in the offseason, and I think she may as well. To the relief of many parents, the varsity team now has a male coach, a development thought to magically make them better in the toughest conference in the state. I assume he can use a shorthand developed in previous years, and that may help, but if this team doesn't win their division or the playoffs, this season will be seen as a failure. For the vocal parents to be satisfied, these coaches have to surpass what Your Sis and the other coach provided. And keep in mind, Your Sis ended her final season with a 4-1 winning ratio.

Picture of the Day
And now... Stephen Hawking in Legos

A Bad Idea

I have avoided the tweedy productions of the local theatre company since I moved here. I have seen their production ads, and I have winced at their newspaper write-ups, almost all of which feature the words "wacky" and "calamity" and "ensue." I have seen the pictures of their casts, brimming with retirees posing in what appears to be the director's living room. I have never heard of their plays but they feature such titles as The Marine Wore Stockings.

However, they have recently advertised that they are mounting Witness for the Prosecution. This is meaty stuff. And the hook was this: They were going to mount the show in the county courthouse. Here was a chance to do a standout courtroom drama in a courtroom. I couldn't refuse. I read about these plans over the summer and noticed just last night the article officially calling for auditions for this play. This article was published Monday.

I called the director to ask if I could pick up a script, and she broke the news: They won't do Witness after all. Heartbreak. Despair. They decided they didn't want to dismantle the non-courtroom set after the weekend shows. Now, consider this: They had announced the play and the setting months ago. Months ago. The article for the auditions, proclaiming the play and the setting ran just two days ago. And only within the last few days have they wimped out of what seems like a crucial bit of planning.

I was told they would do another courtroom play instead, a small Ayn Rand show called The Night of January 16th using the courtroom as a philosophical pulpit. I was also told that my age and voice suggested I would have gotten a choice role in Witness (not so reassuring; maybe they should wait to see if I could act).

Anyway, I'm going through with the audition. I'm gonna try this company. Despite all my previous rants against them and their show choices. It's a courtroom drama. Always wanted to try one of those. And it's using a courtroom. But my spidey-sense is goin' crazy.

Picture of the Day
Coffee art.

Grindstone

Your Sister begins a week of a slow death march back to work. My work becomes a cumbersome armload of crazed fish; I have big publications coming out before November, the most significant issues of the magazine and newsletter. Also, we're trying to launch the shopping site and manage a fund-raising project. I needed a vacation just to gird my loins.

Kathy and Travis came over for the Monday couchtime, and we traded notes on Washington. She was there in 2002. They leave for Germany at the end of next month.

The formal wedding was two years ago yesterday, and the time has flown by.

Almost Scandalous Pictures of the Day
Strolling through the local grocery store, armed as always with crackuccino, I spotted a cereal box that stopped me dead in my tracks.


It looked, I was convinced, just like a cover I had done a few years back for the weekly paper. I was so resolved that plagiarism was at work that I snapped a picture to compare the two at home. And then I dug out that particular issue:


Nope. Not that similar after all. Coffee makes me paranoid, it seems.

Settling In

We had lunch with Your Dad upon returning. We arrived home, comforted the cats, and started the laundry. Well, I did. She took a nap. We started the day at 4:30 to get to the airport on time, and our previous night's reservation time with a shuttle van came and went with no van. After a half hour, the van drives by us and keeps on going. Five minutes later, he calls us asking for directions. I really wanted to get a taxi instead, but we stuck with him and he did pick up before 6. Our plane was to leave at 8. He got us to the airport at 6:30, after picking up two more passengers (another fare had given up and grabbed a taxi).

The Spy Museum made her hungry for spy movies, and we rented Ronin (a low-budget DeNiro flick) and Mr. and Mrs. Smith (the Pitt/Jolie married-agent flick). She tricked me into taking a nap on Sunday. Curse her. She discovered earlier in the day that she left her purse in Your Dad's trunk. Your Mom brought it by to my office this morning. We still went to the gym this morning before work, and I am dragging from lag and stationary-bike exhaustion.

Picture of the Day
The T. Rex stands no chance.

Another Early Morning

Kathy and Travis invited us over last night for a pancake dinner. Good stuff. They leave for Germany in three weeks to visit their exchange student.

I was pretty dang tired when I went to bed last night at midnight, but I woke up without much trouble this morning. I was a bit sore in the shoulders and arms. We quietly drove to the gym and drifted into the building. But once I got on a stationary bike, I found energy. I biked until the meter said I burned 100 calories, and then I moved to the various weigh machines and then ran for 15 minutes.

I don't think we'll do this five days a week. Maybe three. Regardless, I will still run my weekend 5ks. Your Sister wonders if if it's worth me joining her at the gym so early if we're only there for a half hour. I continue to assure her that I will be there as long as she is. I believe she feels more guilt about the early start than she feels regret for starting this project.

Picture of the Day
Stormy weather.

The Experiment

School is approaching quickly, so quickly that Your Sis feels summer never really happened. Things she wanted to do between semesters didn't occur. And she's not happy with how much time she spent sitting and thinking and writing instead of walking about. She feels frumpy. Lumpy. Dumpy. Something else-umpy. Starting this morning, we're going to get up stupidly early and hit the gym before her school hours. She tells me I don't have to do this with her. But, yes, the husband should. And I am. I should make better use of my time anyway; I have a two-hour commute that east up so much of my personal time.

We got up at 5:40 and were at the gym at 6, right as they opened. We were there about half an hour. I had to get my bearings; I was last there around March. My favorite machines had moved, and I forgot my old routine. Did a little bit of this, did a little bit of that. I couldn't push it. I'm never any good at exercising immediately after waking up, especially if it's that early. I always seem to pull a muscle doing the smallest thing. Today was an experiment. I just wanted to go through a light routine and take stock of my progress. I seemed to do OK. So did she, even though she thinks she should be further along already. We'll go again tomorrow morning, and now that I remember where things are and what I used to do on them, I can get a better workout. We grabbed Starbucks coffee and split up for the day. It's about three hours after the gym, and I feel OK, I suppose. I may have overdone my arms.

After work, I caught The Simpsons Movie by myself because Your Sister think she has no funny bone. It doesn't try to be anything but a longer Simpsons installment. I like that. It's very funny, and I'll spoil nothing for you. But it's worth seeing in a theatre.

I'll work on the flyer today at work and get you a rough before I leave for home.

Picture of the Day
A baroque Supergirl. I don't get it, but it looks nice.

Your Parents Are Back

Your Sis drove into Asheville with me yesterday and puttered around town while I worked. We met up for a quick lunch at Mellow Mushroom. We picked up Your Parents from the airport as their flight landed on time but without one piece of luggage. Your Sis and I had agreed for a week to take them to the pizza restaurant for supper, but she instead asked them if they wanted Ruby Tuesday's. We went there, loaded them up on grub, and took them home after some debriefing. We were a little shocked to learn that Your Dad has read all but the final Harry Potter books, and I offered him my copy. Kempas was much relieved to be unleashed, and I may have been relieved just a little more. As far as I know, they're still waiting for the other suitcase.

And now our new regular feature, Dear Aunt Slappy.

Dear Aunt Slappy,
When are the dates you'll be in DC?
Signed, Busy in Boston

Dear BIB,
While I may be an artificially alive, 140-year-old spinster and moral buttinski, it's really not for me to say if your son should keep badgers in his room. From what I read here in this 2nd edition of Holmstead's Guide to North American Mammals, badgers are said to be "courteous to the blind, resolute when confronted by elephants, and prone to eating middle children." If your son has no younger and older siblings, he should be quite safe so long as he doesn't make his new pet watch Dumbo. Hope this helps.
Slappy

P.S. Aug. 13-18.

Picture of the Day
A fire dancer

Potatoes and Hams

We caught Cyrano Friday night at the outdoor theatre. It was bad. I say this aware that my inability to make the cast of Romeo and Juliet could color my enjoyment. But Your Sister, who roots for local theatre to be its best, turned to me right after the curtain call and said "so, we're not seeing this group again unless we're part of a large party, right?" And I had to agree. The biggest problem with the show is the lack of microphones. The cast has to shout virtually every line in an amphitheater with poor acoustics. And neighborhood pets. And tree frogs and crickets (actual crickets in the audience, not the cliche kind) and church bells and car alarms and motorcycles. This flat shouting makes for a recital, not a performance.

The Cyrano actor tried his damnedest. He had the goods. His supporting cast was spotty (some of the Montford stalwarts are doing the shows no favors), but a number of them were gamers. I recognized a few from my audition. You'll remember how the director of that show encouraged the SNL-style of comedy delivery. He was in Cyrano, and we saw his style of acting, the classical stereotype of a Shakespeare performance -- broad, stiff, the method that makes an actor sound like Dudley Do-Right. So, yeah, I guess I'll try other companies for my theatre fix. Also, wearing Elizabethan costumes outside in July in Asheville? Not fun looking.

Didn't help that the directors made the actors fly through the lines to fit within a three-hour span. I wanted to like this, and I tried to hear all the lines despite the lack of mics, but Your Sis walked me through the show afterward, and I clearly missed crucial plot elements. If they fix the sound, they can work with inflections and tone and solve probably 80% of their problems. They won't even have to face out to the audience for all the lines.

We worked on the lawn Saturday morning, right before we plucked the remaining potatoes. After about a half hour, we had a bucket full of tubers. Had we not harvested the first batch a few weeks back, we would have too many to handle. As it was we ate four larger ones Sunday night for dinner. A library gardening book says we would notice the difference in taste from the store-bought potatoes, but we couldn't. Still, they were ours and we loved them like proud parents before gobbling them up like Saturn. We're planning on next year's crops and possibly making a cold frame for winter growth. Your Sis thinks we can use the old shower glass to protect the plants from frost.

I, of course, worked on your drawing this weekend, and I'll be able to ink the tighter sketch tomorrow after work. I'll mail you the image and potential text design (for a poster maybe) by the end of this week. I'll still have the weekend to work on it before we go to Washington.

Picture of the Day
Po-tay-toes.

Just A Blip

Pets were fine yesterday. Nothing major to report. Your Parents are getting a new curb. I saw the mold setting yesterday. Looks nice.

Your Sis made a lamb keemba (an Indian chili) last night, and we got soused on pear wine made by a fellow teacher. The bottle was a year old, but it lost no potency. We watched Colbert and Jeopardy and discussed our Washington vacation. We had to bump DragonCon to next year, and we'll squeeze in a small vacation for this Labor Day in its stead.

Your Sis is in Ashevegas with me today, and I started the day by buying her coffee. We might catch Cyrano tonight in the outdoor theatre. I look forward to hearing how they mangled the play to shoehorn in trendy, inappropriate comedy.

Picture of the Day
Ah, GI Joe package art from the early '80s. It gives me a warm glowing glow.

Cult TV

The continuing good weather made Kempas practically meek. She even wanted to play fetch for the first time in weeks. I've also discovered that she's placated by roasted pig ears, a bag of which Your Parents kept near her food and treats.

I made fajitturitos last night and we ate ice cream while watching a PBS special on the Berlin Airlift. Yes, we're old and boring. What about it? We also caught a first-run episode of The Nine, a much-hyped ABC show they yanked after just two months. This was Your Sister's favorite new show. I suspect the producers were given the chance to end the series and wrap up the various subplots and the mystery of the bank-hostage situation. This was the best episode of the series so far, and I look forward to catching ti with Your Sis until its end.

Speaking of canceled shows, TV Guide has again cataloged what they consider the best and most lasting cult shows ever, and it serves its purposes: It makes me angry, happy, and content all at once. It's definitely flawed, and let me illustrate why.

If a cult show is hugely popular, does it lose the cult status? The Simpsons audience is definitely cult-like in devotion, but it made money almost from the get-go. It's never been an underdog or generally ignored. Is "cult" determined by the dictionary definition that its audience is loyal to a fault? Because if loyalty is the big determinant, then we have to include soap operas that have lasted since the radio-drama days. Guiding Light, a show I watched with my grandmother from ages 4-14, made its broadcast debut before World War II.

No, I think we have to say that cult shows attain the status by having the most singularly devoted audience, the folks who will mold their lives around that series to the point that they create a daily vocabulary rooted in the show's dialogue and keep themselves sequestered from the mainstream as a matter of pride. So, in this case, cult shows are the ones with the geekiest posse.

Now, I attend conventions, so I see the geek in his primal habitat. I also see the knick-knacks, bootlegs, costumes, and materials related to all hot franchises. So I can label these series with their fan-demanded con presence.

*Denotes newcomer to the list (this means someone got bumped from the previous listing to make room for this inclusion).

30) Strangers with Candy (1999-2000)*
Only if we consider that it starred Steven Colbert and Amy Sedaris. That makes it cool. It spawned a movie that fared as successfully as its namesake series. In other words, they both tanked. This show isn't held in such reverence as The Young Ones or The State or even the Upright Citizens Brigade.
I have spoken: Doesn't belong. Con presence: Absent.

29) Absolutely Fabulous (1994-2003)
Not sure how cult this is. It almost singlehandedly sparked BBCAmerica, and it had an American spin-off AND it was recreated in the later seasons of Roseanne. Instead of alluring geeks and nerds, it attracted the gay and postmenopausal.
I have spoken: Borderline inclusion.
Con presence: Absent.

28) Stargate SG-1 (1997-2007)*
A show that survives cancellation because of fan activism is indeed a cult show. Doesn't mean it's worth the effort, however. It has none of the charm of the movie that inspired it, and it's powered almost solely by fanbase lust for the guy who played MacGuyver.
I have spoken: Yeah, definitely. Con presence: Growing steadily.

27) H.R. Pufnstuf (1969-1971)
The most bizarre of the Sid & Marty Kroft works that included Banana Splits and Land of the Lost. So many kids shows are alleged to have been inspired by drugs. This show absolutely was. There is no question those Krofts were high as space kites.
I have spoken: Yeah.
Con presence: Occasional.

26) Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman (1975-1978)
Yes. Yes yes yes. A send-up of soaps that managed to be spooky and funny and enthralling. I'm proud of TV Guide for remembering this one.
I have spoken: As a blip on the cultural map, it defines "cult show." Con presence: Never.

25) Firefly (2002-2003)*
Considering its pedigree (Joss Whedon created Angel and Buffy), this sci-fi Western should have been greeted by loving throngs. But it didn't. It was yanked after about two months, but did spawn the big-screen movie.
I have spoken: If "cult" automatically equals "sci-fi," yeah, it belongs. Con presence: Impressive. Most impressive.

24) Twin Peaks (1990-1991)
Only because the show (which started with giant ratings) lost its audience as it unfurled its mystic underpinnings. Also, once the network demanded the Laura Palmer murder be solved, the show lost direction and collapsed. But at its apex, it was maybe the coolest show ever on TV. It heralded the major trends of the '90s: serial killers, the revivals of lounge music and burlesque, "shows about nothing," and the Pacific Northwest fashions that grunge helped make popular.
I have spoken: Fuck yes. Con presence: Weak.

23) Dark Shadows (1966-1971)
A vampire daytime soap opera? That's cult with a capital CULT.
I have spoken: Good Lord, yes. Con presence: Only in bootleg DVDs.

22) Doctor Who (1963-present)
The British Star Trek, even though it predates the American show. A must-list series.
I have spoken: A no-brainer. Con presence: Fair.

21) Freaks and Geeks (1999-2000)
Only because its creators have proven so hot at the films. They made Knocked Up and 40 Year Old Virgin. But on its own, it's just My So Called Life for the social outcasts.
I have spoken: I say thee nay. Con presence: None whatsoever.

20) The Avengers (1966-1969)
Campy as hell and a blast to watch even today. Also, Diana Rigg's Emma Peel was the ur-cheesecake for geeks and nerds. Her smart sexiness eclipses any of the crumpets on then-contemporary American TV sitcoms like I Dream of Jeannie or Gilligan's Island. Only Julie Newmar's Catwoman was as blatantly filthy and magnetic.
I have spoken: Yes. Con presence: Negligible.

19) Quantum Leap (1989-1993)
There were two shows that benefited from the burgeoning Internet: this and The Adventures of Lois and Clark. Those two ruled the chatrooms, listservs, and alt.net areas as TV cults drifted online to morph into larger clubhouses. This show ruled online fan-fiction for years before Buffy, Xena, and Star Wars/Trek took over.
I have spoken: Yes, but would this show exist if not for Back to the Future? Con presence: Mild.

18) Veronica Mars (2004-2007)*
The next-generation Buffy suffered on the small networks just as Buffy and Angel did. It's cancellation would cement it as cult, but a rumored spin-off would take advantage of the loyal viewers. I'm not sure if the show was popular because of the writing or the cheerleader cuteness of the lead.
I have spoken: I'd pass. Not all quick fizzing shows can be cult-worthy. Con presence: Absent.

17) Beauty and the Beast (1987-1990)
An inexplicable hit that reminded folks that fantasy reliant on romance can win a big following. While Vincent the Catman may have been the geek hunk, the romance was the obvious draw. Once Linda Hamilton's character died, so did the series.
I have spoken: Yeah, but now we're all embarrassed to admit we watched it. Con presence: Invisible.

16) Babylon 5 (1994-1998)
The most successful attempt to make a new Star Trek actually started off as a Star Trek spin-off. But creative disagreements lead to this show splitting from the still-developing Deep Space Nine, and so sci-fi fans had two similarly premised shows at one time. It took advantage of a singular creator vision and appreciative winks at its audience (for example: Star Trek's Chekov appears as a vaudeville-quality villain). The show is still sparking novels and DVD films, 10 years later.
I have spoken: Yeah. Con presence: Steady.

15) Family Guy (1999-present)
More than any show, it benefited from the series DVD experiment. Even though fans could watch this on Cartoon Network, they bought the DVDs with such fervor that FOX brought it back from cancellation and used it to linchpin Animation Domination on Sunday nights.
I have spoken: Not as good or as cultish as The Critic.
Con presence: Rare.

14) Battlestar Galactica (2003-present)*
It should have failed utterly, but it emerged smart and sleek. The more cerebral sci-fi fans found a great action show, and the action crowd were given plenty to munch on between the top-notch space battles.
I have spoken: If ratings and critical success disqualify a show from "cult" consideration, this shouldn't make the list. Con presence: Barely.

13) Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1989-1999)
If they had more money and a larger production staff, this show would never had worked. Because it was powered by smartass, pop-culture-loving theatre nerds, it spoke our language from the start. And the change in leading characters created a debate crucial in the continuing conversation about a cult show.
I have spoken: Yes. Hugs all around. Con presence: Fading.

12) Pee-Wee's Playhouse (1986-1991)
The rare show that entertains everyone. Goofy and energetic and delirious.
I have spoken: That indecency arrest helped the show fade too soon and remain dear to so many. Con presence: Nil.

11) Jericho (2006-present)*
Much, much too soon to say, honestly. It was saved from cancellation by fan uproar, but really what else did CBS have to run, another CSI or reality game show?
I have spoken: No. Not yet. Con presence: None whatsoever.

10) Xena: Warrior Princess (1995-2001)
How many action shows can boast a lesbian-majority audience? How many bad girl TV characters softened their act while retaining their initial charms? How many people remember this was a spin-off of Hercules?
I have spoken: Yes. Con presence: Respectable.

9) Twilight Zone (1959-1964)
Even people who never saw the series know what it's about. So good that, despite the multiple VHS and DVD compilations, the SciFi Channel still runs marathons on major holidays because mainstream folks will tune away from football, parades, and celebrity concerts for spooky and humanizing stories of ethics and irony. The best show that proved sci-fi never had to be campy or goofy to be popular.
I have spoken: Honestly? No. It's too influential, too popular. Its status of "cult show" is an honorary degree from the adoring masses. Con presence: Virtually none.

8) The Simpsons (1989-present)
This isn't a cult. It's a force of nature. If this is on the list, why not I Love Lucy or Andy Griffith?
I have spoken: It's a cult show only because my parents would never watch it. But generation gaps don't make a cult series. Con presence: Mild. You can get Simpsons merchandise anywhere.

7) The Prisoner (1967-1968)
Maybe THE cult show. People still talk about it because they're trying to decipher it. Is it smart and surreal or slapdash and hollow?
I have spoken: Ask around. Most people have no idea this show existed. Con presence: Equally below-the-radar.

6) Monty Python's Flying Circus (1969-1974)
Again, a generation gap made this show cool for high-school kids for 30 years. Memorizing the scripts is a rite of passage across the country. But if I hear it quoted on cooking shows, is it really "cult." Isn't it just fringe? No, it's much too influential. The original Saturday Night Live cast worshiped these guys.
I have spoken: Arguable.
Con presence: None.

5) Lost (2004-present)*
Too early to tell, but much like Twin Peaks, it got weirder and weired and lost more and more viewers. The season-series experiment almost makes the audience go online or see the DVDs to stay up-to-speed. The many, many mysteries keep the rabid fans talking on virtually a daily basis.
I have spoken: Maybe. maybe not.
Con presence: I've only ever seen two people dressed as characters, and that was me and the missus.

4) Farscape (1999-2003)
Not all failed sci-fi shows earn or deserve a cult following. This muppet-heavy series swiped its villain's design from the Borg and takes attention away from Red Dwarf or Lexx. There's no excuse for this to be so high on the list.
I have spoken: Fuck, no.
Con presence: Invisible.

3) Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997-2003)
A show great in pathos, humor, emotion, and bad action scenes. And it never got its due from the TV award shows. Too good to stay around, really. But if you hate emo vampires, this show and Angel will drive you to drink.
I have spoken: Definitely.
Con presence: Colossal.

2) The X-Files (1993-2002)
It started as crap, became glorious sci-fi, and sank back into crap. It insulted the audience with extended illogical plotholes and a film that promised to change everything and ultimately altered nothing. It provided pin-up fodder for guys and gals, giving something for them to talk about when not discussing the awesomeness of Cancer Man or the depravity of the Peacock Brothers.
I have spoken: Yep.
Con presence: Spotty.

1) Star Trek (1966-1969)
The cult show. It bombed in the ratings and stayed alive solely through barely connected fanbases across the globe. The show wasn't a success; it's philosophy was. It sired a true cult of common humanity.
I have spoken: The definitive cult series once upon a time. Now it's a franchise. Con presence: Massive massive massive.

Gigantic Picture of the Day
The mysteries of Boba Fett's armor solved. Now THIS GUY is cult.

Studio 86'd

The weather was much nicer yesterday, and Kempas was in a proportionately better mood as well. I took care of the animals and the house fairly quickly. Your Sis made a steak-and-potatoes dinner using some of our homegrown taters.

We inhaled the rest of the poundcake while watching the first of our TiFauxed Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip episodes. We have about 10 to go. The show took a definite new turn once it was obvious that ratings were not going to rocket up to the level commiserate with all the hype and budget the show enjoyed. This second block of shows is all about romantic comedy subplots instead of broadcasting strategies, and this is obviously a tact to draw in female viewers. Then again, if you're romantic leads are Josh from West Wing and Chandler Bing, it's not likely you'll pull in piles of dreamy-eyed gals. Not when they have to compete against Dr. McDreamy for romantic/professional series hunks.

I dug the show muchly. Great cast, great writing, great premise, and, most important, great pacing. You have to pay attention, and pop-culture geeks were rewarded with shotgun blasts of allusions and references. This may be why the show floundered, not the scheduling or show-biz focus. This wasn't a background-noise show, and 10 p.m. may have been too late in the evening for the mainstream audience to lock onto a lightning-banter series. The network scuttled its chances by providing two similar shows, along with 30Rock, and viewers clearly chose the lighter, goofier show. I haven't seen it.

Your Sis doesn't share my infatuation with Studio 60; she vocally derides Amanda Peet's lack of range at every commercial break. And she's right. But Peet has real purty hair, so I cut her some slack. The show makes me laugh out loud, and I genuinely like all the cast members. No one distracts me with their shtick. On the contrary, the fake skit show's cast are all genuinely funny people.

Sarah Paulson, who played the religious Harriet Hayes, should be on SNL and headlining. She routinely busted out impersonations worthy of a late-night series (Holly Hunter, Nancy Grace, Juliette Lewis). It's quite amazing: A series revolving around a skit show with an impossibly gifted comedienne actually found such a performer. I have a theatre crush on her.

The whole series comes out on DVD in October, and I'll probably buy it even if we do finish the series within weeks of it hitting the shelves.

Picture of the Day
Hot nuns.

Rescue Ranger

It poured as I left work and arrived at Your Parents' house. I also found Kempas trapped on the tree next to the gardening shed and barking her head off. She had wrapped her chain around the ivy. I got her out, but it was a scene out of a Western where the cowboy gets the calf out of the brambles and back to the herd. And then she wouldn't eat. There's no telling how long she had been that way. The neighbors who expressed such concern the first week Your Parents were gone apparently didn't check on her to see if she needed help. I also emptied the litter boxes into the giant, rolling trash can and left it next to the driveway. It's heavy enough to keep from falling over, I think. The rain has fallen with enough power that the lake is almost back to pre-drought levels.

We had Kathy, Travis, and the baby over last night for wings and fries and rasslin. Your Sis said she talked to you earlier in the day. We're making a date for them and me to see The Simpsons Movie while Your Sis minds the baby. I feel positively un-American because I haven't see the film yet.

Your Sis and I made a cake Sunday to prove that I don't destroy them with my recipe interpretation. We had our first bites last night, and it did indeed turn out well. It's a lemon, poppy seed pound cake. I can see myself making a cake at least once a month. It's fun and somewhat tasty work.

Picture of the Day
Someone pimped out a mouse to look like a NES controller. If it didn't mean sacrificing the scroll option, I'd want one.

Art

Because of Belle Chere, we got out of work early, and I zipped through the house checklist. Kempas was pissed that she didn't get more face time. I got home early enough that we caught the fourth Die Hard at the local theatre. It's good. Maybe the best sequel. Definitely better than the second, but much slicker than the third.

I ran Saturday morning for the first time in two weeks, and boy did it feel like it. Also, it rained. It rained all weekend, so I was very glad we had no intention of attending Belle Chere. I took pictures of Your Sis for new drawing material in the below style. We had a disappointing supper at a local place (they served up buffalo wings by giving me the fried wings separate from the sauce). We watched the commentary track for the Chicago DVD and did the same the next night for Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, yet another quality Robert Downey Jr. film no one saw.

Pictures of the Day
I stumbled onto a new art style. I was working on a self-portrait for a new mix CD. Unlike my usual PC artwork, I worked in b/w. It was more of a drawing than a painting. Illustrator allows you to use a pencil tool that can create shapes. You can then assign those objects an interior color and a border color. This is the drawing with no filled objects. There are shapes, but they are empty.


And when I had finished, I flipped the interior art/outline assignments. It gave the artwork a more organic look, and it was surprising. I hadn't noticed the potential of the style before. It wasn't automatically complete; I had to adjust the color assignments further to make a cohesive picture, but it became something I hadn't made before. I think I can sell this. I think I can make actual art with this.


In the (Geek) News
San Diego's Comicon is over, and these are the biggest mainstream bits:

+ Bootleg footage of the Iron Man trailer. This is what it's like to watch video at a con.
+ The teaser for the Batman Begins sequel.
+ A small marketing video for the Indiana Jones 4 film also introduces a returning face to the franchise. The revelation is about 3 minutes in:

Me vs. Dog

Because the landscaper is building a more elaborate walkway in the backyard, a pile of bricks sits between the tomato plant garbage can and Kempas's house. I arrived yesterday to find Kempas's chain stuck in that pile and the dog going batshit. There was nothing wrong; she just couldn't get loose. A neighbor girl was trying to pet her and somehow didn't think to enter the yard to free her. I got her extricated and talked briefly with the girl. She says Kempas is barking throughout the night, and Your Parents are keeping her outside at night when they're home. Maybe they were trying to get the dog used to being out while they were gone. She was so freaked that I had to take her for a walk to exhaust her energy.

I'm glad I only have another week of this. I appreciate how much Your Parents helped us with the car, and it doesn't much time to visit the house after work, but I have no answers for Kempas except to feed or walk her into submission and leash her to keep the fence intact. It's not my dog, and I'm limited in my options. Actually, the one problem is the fence. The answer to that problem is to remove the wood and install a metal fence along the carport. I haven't seen Kampas dig her way under the fencing. That would keep her in and let her walk the entire back yard.

We ate at the local Japanese steakhouse again and followed it up with dessert at Jason's. We tried out a new USA show called "Burn Notice." As a new series, it's still trying to find its footing. It feels thin, but potential is there.

Picture of the Day
The poster for the upcoming Sweeney Todd. It will be a musical, like the original show. But it won't be based on the recent revival-update of the show.


In the News
It sucks to be a sports fan right now. Football has Michael Vick, Beckham missed his US debut in soccer, the Tour de France is falling apart, wrestling is still dealing with the Benoit tragedy, and an NBA ref may have swayed the outcome of playoff games. Baseball sees Barry Bonds just two shy of breaking the home-run record but the steroid allegations may erase that before it becomes legend.