Letters to Holly

Wednesday, May 5

We're Now Like A School on Saturday

We missed your call last night because we were scarfing down dinner before the last birthing class. The nurse asked us if we minded finishing early; she's preparing to move this weekend, and she's still packing. The doctor scheduled to talk to us couldn't make it, and this felt very much like the last day of school. Motions were run through, and time was filled in a causal manner. Not that I'm complaining.

We saw slides of new babies and learned about skull molding, jaundice, and other physical distortions we could expect to see. We saw the various stations of the delivery room, including circumcision (no longer covered by insurance, now considered cosmetic surgery). She quizzed us on PURE and COAT and was surprised the calls knew them so well.

Admission: I nailed it. Your Sister, who wrote down the acronyms last week, couldn't recall them and was astonished I could. I told her I came to play. Also, she has pregnant brains and a head cold. She's allowed.

We then toured the birthing center and its four delivery rooms. They're small, which will help us keep the traffic low, and there's a chair for dads to sleep in. I think I'll take the floor. The security measures are comforting: two bracelets and a floor sensor five feet from the birthing-center exit.

We returned to the conference room for a well-intentioned but lengthy presentation from a local dental charity. Most of the lecture concerned children 2 years old and above. We'll be lucky to remember any of this. What pertained to us was the hope we'd clean the baby's gums regularly. We were given a finger sock for this; it looks like a tiny sweatband. We do live in a county with an accelerated tooth decay rate for kids, but we know to avoid the sugary drinks. Then again, the lecturer all but discouraged milk, including breast milk, because of its sugar content. She did, however, recommend fluoride toothpaste for kids, saying the additive's risks were exaggerated. We also saw a five-minute video from the early '90s saying exactly what the lecturer said earlier.
I don't think we're her normal audience. I suspect we're 20 years older than the new parents she usually addresses. While we sat for this 15-minute spiel, we were handed a flyer to teach us infant CPR. This should have been reversed.

We returned home to watch Lost in which shit went down. She has made her name list, but we have yet to compare them.

MUPPET NEWS FLASH: I just got a call from the printer. My comics are ready. I won't be able to get them for another eight hours. Gah.

A Thought Experiment
If you had to condense The White Album into one album, what songs would you keep from a count between 12 and 14?

The original tracks:
1) Back in the USSR (Lennon/McCartney)
2) Dear Prudence (Lennon/McCartney)
3) Glass Onion (Lennon/McCartney)
4) Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da (Lennon/McCartney)
5) Wild Honey Pie (Lennon/McCartney)
6) The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill (Lennon/McCartney)
7) While My Guitar Gently Weeps (Harrison)
8) Happiness is a Warm Gun (Lennon/McCartney)
9) Martha My Dear (Lennon/McCartney)
10) I'm So Tired (Lennon/McCartney)
11) Blackbird (Lennon/McCartney)
12) Piggies (Harrison)
13) Rocky Raccoon (Lennon/McCartney)
14) Don't Pass Me By (Starkey)
15) Why Don't We Do It In the Road? (Lennon/McCartney)
16) I Will (Lennon/McCartney)
17) Julia (Lennon/McCartney)

1) Birthday (Lennon/McCartney)
2) Yer Blues (Lennon/McCartney)
3) Mother Nature's Son (Lennon/McCartney)
4) Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Monkey (Lennon/McCartney)
5) Sexy Sadie (Lennon/McCartney)
6) Helter Skelter (Lennon/McCartney)
7) Long, Long, Long (Harrison)
8) Revolution I (Lennon/McCartney)
9) Honey Pie (Lennon/McCartney)
10) Savoy Truffle (Harrison)
11) Cry Baby Cry (Lennon/McCartney)
12) Revolution 9 (Lennon/McCartney)
13) Good Night (Lennon/McCartney)

I went with these and rearranged the sequence:
1. Revolution I (Lennon/McCartney) (except I'd use the electric guitar version)
2. Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Monkey (Lennon/McCartney)
3. Dear Prudence (Lennon/McCartney)
4. Cry Baby Cry (Lennon/McCartney)
5. Blackbird (Lennon/McCartney)
6. Julia (Lennon/McCartney)
7. Back in the USSR (Lennon/McCartney)
8. Birthday (Lennon/McCartney)
9. Helter Skelter (Lennon/McCartney)
10. While My Guitar Gently Weeps (Harrison)
11. Savoy Truffle (Harrison)
12. Martha My Dear (Lennon/McCartney)
13. Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da (Lennon/McCartney)

Very Expensive Picture of the Day
Picasso's Nude, Green Leaves and Bust sold for $106.5 million at auction yesterday, a record price for a work of art. I like the Gaugin fruit in the left corner.

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