Immigration Stupidity

I’m doing much better. I got back at your sister by stir-frying meat that had marinated in my spicy concoctions since Monday. Oh, yes, I cook with napalm. We have yet to hear back from the French guest. I emailed her Tuesday to encourage her to ask us anything she might want to know about Mayberry and the States.

The debate over reforming immigration laws has brought out the ugly in people. I’m all for enforcing the law, but this debate isn’t about law. It’s not about cheap labor. It’s about class warfare, something that allows a vocal chunk of morons to launch some bigotry under the guise of defending security.

I listen to talk radio because I like to hear conversation. I tune into to NPR, Air America, Neal Boortz, Limbaugh, and various syndicated folks. This was how I found the Boston station, by the way. I don’t espouse everything they do. I don’t believe they mean everything they say; radio is about entertainment, and the hosts adopt on-air personalities to draw an audience. But the listeners don’t always know that, and the rabidly loyal listeners can’t make a distinction between dramatic exaggeration and sincere ravings. Unfortunately, that leads them to say things out of the context of performance and parroting it as gospel. Now, radio didn’t invent simple-minded bigotry obviously, but it has allowed it to become fashionable and even politically convenient. The shit I’ve heard this week from callers disturbs and enrages me.

In standing up to illegal immigrants, I’ve heard people from the area and across the country regard the majority Mexican illegal population as vermin, accusing them of “overrunning” schools and hospitals, devouring economic and social resources, and bringing disease to the country. The leader of the Minuteman effort, for one, said this weekend that we are being “invaded” and illegal immigration threatens our national sovereignty. I’ve heard claims for over a year that Al-Qaeda are sneaking across the border from disguised as Mexicans in order to work in construction, pile up cheap explosives, and detonate a coordinated large-scale truck bombing in major cities across the country. And this is from Limbaugh and Hannity, not local crackpots. I don’t begrudge their anger at law-breaking, no matter what I might think of the intent and execution of those laws. But there’s no justification for this kind of discourse or for the hosts allowing it to air. Worse, it only encourages some dumbass to kill hisself some fer’iners.

The conservative hosts are in a pickle over immigration debate; they commonly preach self-determination to the small businessman, but they risk losing that core audience when they rail against the workforce on which many of them rely. Senator Feinstein of California stated yesterday that California’s landscaping business (the largest in that state) is made up of 86% illegal workers. That’s astounding.

The conservatives run a big risk by taking a strong stand against an open border. They need minority votes to hold onto the Congress, they risk support of even greater federalism (the antithesis of conservatism), and they inch closer to the stereotype that they care only about white folks. Democrats, likewise, want to appear string on national security without spooking the downtrodden, their poster children.

There’s a smart way to handle this problem, and it requires maturity and consideration. Unlike foreign policy, this is right up Bush’s alley. He lived and governed in Texas. And he is talking to Mexico’s Vicente Fox this week. He can make some headway as a leader if he handles this well. I’d like to see that. I don’t think it’s likely, mind you, but I’d like to see it. His success could maintain the GOP majority in Congress this fall. But so many republicans have distanced themselves from him over foreign policy that any achievement he might herald may not pay off politically.

Picture of the Day
Why wait to get on a reality TV show and have editors pixelate the logos on your clothing? Buy clothing with pre-pixelated logos! Genius.

In the news
New York City publicly releases 911 calls from Sept. 11. I’m not ready to hear this. There’s also a new film about Flight 93 coming out soon. I’ll skip that too. Last year, I listened to the released scanner communication for the NY police and fire departments. That’s gonna stick with me for a while.

+ + +

Condi Rice on the war on terror: "I know we've made tactical errors, thousands of them I'm sure. But when you look back in history, what will be judged will be, did you make the right strategic decisions."

Sniff. Glug. Ack.

“Lost” again brings the awesome week in and week out. Besides the mind games the writers foist on us each week, we get to see some quality acting and directing. Everyone gets a chance to shine.

I still got the bug, and I’m pretty sick and tired of being sick and tired. It’s been almost two weeks of sleeping in separate beds. I don’t want to get used to the bachelor life again. Your Sister made a curry and eggplant dish last night that did nothing to open up my head, but it did everything within its satanic power to sear my mouth. I had to eat some ice cream in defiance of the Lent abstention just to dull the pain. That’s right. I didn’t enjoy it one bit.

I’m halfway through the second Harry Potter book, and it shames the film.

Late last night, while recovering from the curry, I fiddled with the AM dial and discovered that I can hear Boston’s WBZ 1030 AM. That’s more than 900 miles away from us. I’ve previously picked up St. Louis, Cincinnati, and Pittsburgh.

Picture of the Day
A coloring effort I did a while back. The original art by comics pro Alan Davis is black and white.

In the news
Lobbyist Jack Abramoff got almost 6 years in prison for fraud.

+ + +

Jill Carroll was released by her Iraqi captors yesterday.

The Hard Sell: WrestleMania

The big one. The first one. The granddaddy of them all. In 1984, when the WWF announced WrestleMania, it was to be the first national wrestling showcase in North American wrestling. Before, companies would build to a big show to end a feud or change character allegiances, but you had to be there to see it. And you would only know about it by watching the syndicated small-market weekly TV show or reading and ad in a wrestling magazine. WrestleMania was different. It was national, not regional, and that was the WWF’s big idea: combine talent from the nation’s wrestling territories and go coast-to-coast as one big company. Compared to this, you could watch regional territories like Texas wrestling, Mid-Atlantic, Memphis, Northwestern, Minnesota, etc.

The NWA already used a similar system to trade talent across the country, but they had no national TV deal; the WWF did, locking in with the USA Network to broadcast taped shows. Those taped shows, however, were filled with the lower-level talent and sparse appearances by the main-eventers. The big stars also rarely fought each other. It happened maybe once every four months. Compared to the current weekly match-ups between main-eventers 52 times a year, this was like jet airliners to stagecoaches. WrestleMania was bringing everyone together for one big show, and finally the hated rivals would get their hands on each other. And you could watch it at home or a local bar, and you could see the whole thing live. No week-long delays between the show and airtime.

It’s hard to believe wrestling at one time was a national pastime. You got dressed up for the show. It was as legit an escapism as going to the movies. But it lost luster and became a carnival attraction, marginalized as a fringe genre when folks started playing smart and dismissing the obviously scripted events. Of course it was scripted. Of course it was choreographed. But the athleticism was rejected as well. And people ignored the showmanship, storytelling, and sheer spectacle of it.

The WWF reached for a mainstream audience on the shoulders of Hulk Hogan, the cartoonishly sized and energetic patriotic warrior. He was known to the outside world through Rocky III, playing Thunderlips the Ultimate Male. He was a charismatic guy, very little like the stereotypical wrestler: thuggish, swarthy, stupid, brutish. No, Hogan brought wild-eyed energy and a million-dollar smile. He was the most popular wrestler since Gorgeous George, known and marketed to kids and adults as a good role model, and wrestling could be family fare again.

I grew up with wrestling. It was a constant presence in my entertainment world. Posters for local shows were always displayed at the corner gas station, and the local NBC affiliate aired wrestling every Saturday morning. When you dropped off the trash at the junkyard, the attendant had it on TV. When you went to the flea market, the folks selling their fresh veggies had it playing in their booths. And my older friends in the neighborhood watched it. So I did. It was a currency you exchanged to debate who was more entertaining, why the bad guy was bad, and why the good guy was so gullible. It was a preteen soap opera. And here was WrestleMania, dropping down from the heavens like the first Super Bowl. Of course, we all watched it. Of course we loved it. It was action and simple drama.

So, flash forward to now. I’ve missed maybe five of thee shows. Most live up to the hype as the biggest, hottest show of the year. Some have outright sucked. But it’s fine show for the money. I’m definitely watching it this year. Here’s the card, just in case you want to watch on Sunday. Be warned: It's four hours long.

WWE Champion John Cena vs. Triple H
Cena has held the title for a year, winning it at last year’s WM show. He’s a young, powerful kid playing a white hip-hop character. Triple H is a ten-time WWE world champ, a thug, an inveterate cheat, and he looks just like Boromir. This show marks his sixth title match at a WM and his fifth consecutive. That’s a bit much. It’s unusual for a good guy to take the belt into a WM. Normally the previous months] of weekly shows build up the challenger against the bad guy champ. This feud has been marred by low momentum. Triple H wants the belt; there is no personal angle to this, and Cena is outclassed as a performer. That’s why I’m rooting for Triple H to win despite his constant presence in the title picture. This should be a classic-style pro wrestling match.

What to watch for: The crowd will be evenly split if not outright rooting for Cena to lose. Cena’s gimmick has polarized the audiences into those for him (the young ones and gals) and those against him (every guy over 15).

World Heavyweight Champion Kurt Angle vs. Randy Orton vs. Rey Mysterio
The two championships are confusing. The WWF (now WWE) split into two rosters: Raw and SmackDown. There are two main titles so WM now has two Big Championship matches. Champion Kurt Angle is the hero of the Atlanta Olympics and currently playing the no-nonsense technical wrestling machine. Randy Orton is a third-generation performer and an arrogant punk. Mysterio is the wildcard: a tiny masked lucadore, pound-for-pound the best in the business. Many are rooting for Rey as he would be the smallest champ ever in a company that loves to push big muscleheads. This match will involve some nice choreography and could steal the entire show. These three are gold in the ring.

What to watch for: Rey will magically fly all over the place.

Mr. McMahon vs. Shawn Michaels (No Holds Barred Match)
Vince McMahon is the real-life owner of the company, and he plays a caricature of himself onscreen as a dirty old man who likes to flex his corporate control over the performers. Currently, he’s targeted Michaels, a guy who’s been with the company for about 15 years. Vince is a bodybuilding freak at 60 years old. Shawn is getting along in years but is as reliable as showman as you can ever hope to see. Because Vince is involved, this feud has been given larger focus than any other. This will be a garbage match with no rules. Expect some fancy stunts and blood. There is also growing consensus that retired performer Bret Hart will be involved, and here’s why that’s important: Shawn, Vince, and a referee conspired to fix a match against then-champ Bret before he could end his contract and take the belt to a competitor company. Bret lost his title and ended his long WWF career on a major PPV against his greatest rival in his native Canada (where he is Babe Ruth and Michael Jordan), and he wasn’t in on it. This was 1997. If Bret comes out at this show to get involved in a Shawn/Vince match, the roof will quite possibly shatter from the sonic explosion. This would be a nine-year payoff to the most infamous event in pro wrestling history.

What to watch for: If Bret comes out, you will never ever hear a louder crowd in your life. If he doesn’t, you will never ever hear an angrier crowd in your life.

Money in the Bank Ladder Match
Here’s the premise: Six guys try to use ladders to grab a suitcase dangled over the ring. The guy who grabs it gets a guaranteed shot at the world title of their choosing whenever they want it. The participants this year include 60-year-old Ric Flair, a cheating hotshot, a stoner martial artist, an inhumanly big bodybuilder, a goth rocker, and an Irish thug. Again, some good stunts are expected, but Flair is the sentimental favorite.

What to watch for: People falling from great heights in lots of ways.

Undertaker vs. Mark Henry (Casket Match)
Undertaker is the most consistent of the 1980s cartoon characters (he thinks he’s a zombie biker), and he’s never lost at WM. Mark Henry is the reigning world’s strongest man. The loser is the guy shut inside a casket at ringside. Don’t hope for more than punching, kicking, and bearhugs. This might be your best chance to go pee and grab nachos.

What to watch for: Taker’s entrance. Dry fog, druids, pipe organs, and purple lights. It’s as if Spinal Tap were playing church music.

Edge vs. Cactus Jack (Hardcore Match)
Edge is the Rated R Superstar, a lanky skater dude who never gets enough respect. Cactus Jack is wrestling’s hardcore freakshow, a man with one ear, missing teeth, and shaggy hair who will crash through flaming tables, bleed, and plummet from atop cages for your amusement. There are no rules. This might steal the show, depending on how much they can take. Expect blood by the buckets.

What to watch for: Cactus Jack will DIE for you.

United States Champion Chris Benoit vs. JBL
Champ Benoit is a small, angry Canadian. JBL is a huge, bully Texan. They will beat the crap out of each other. This is all you need to know.

What to watch for: Benoit’s intensity and comically short arms.

World Tag Team Champions Kane & Big Show vs. Chris Masters & Carlito
Kane and Big Show are giant guys. Towering men. Masters is a bodybuilder who looks facially just like Your Brother. Carlito is the classic weasel bad guy. He’s funny and can throw some good moves in the ring. This one should see the smaller guys win.

What to watch for: Seriously, that’s Your Brother in the ring.

Women's Champion Trish Stratus vs. Mickie James
A common story in women’s wrestling sees the challenger develop an obsession with the champ. Mickie has been Trish’s cheerleader for months on end and has finally turned the corner to go full-on nutso. Trish started out as a fashion model brought into the WWF to be simple T&A. But she trained to become a wrestler and has since become the best female wrestler I’ve ever seen. So many gals slap and pull hair and clumsily throw what can only charitably be called punches or kicks. They don’t bother to learn wrestling because they could get hurt and ruin their faces or figures. Not Trish. She’s in there to work. Trish has held the belt for more than a year, mainly because there are no other wrestling women left in the company. Virtually everyone else is T&A the company tries to sell to Playboy. Trish has to lose the belt so we can watch her chase the belt for a few months until the big summer PPV.

What to watch for: Can Mickie work a match without falling on her ass? I say no.

Torrie Wilson vs. Candice Michelle (Playboy Pillow Fight)
And here’s the T&A in action. These gals (both have been in Playboy) will have an honest-to-God pillow fight in a ring made to look like a satin-covered bedroom. They will wear lingerie. It will be horrible for all except those male fans who have yet to turn 21.

What to watch for: How many ways can two women stick their asses in the air?

Boogeyman vs. Booker T
Boogeyman is a throwback cartoon freak character. This isn't a KC and the Sunshine Band type of Booogieman. This is the "ooh, I'm gonna getcha" type. He’s a garish, spooky guy who chews on worms and smashes a giant Flavor Flav clock on his head. Booker, accompanied by wife Sharmell, is playing the cowardly bad guy. This will be played for laughs until Boogeyman hits his big move: a face-first body slam.

What to watch for: Booker T’s genius comedy work.

Sick

Yeah, I got hit hard by whatever Heidi is recovering from. I felt the throat tingles and awoke Saturday to find myself in misery. I dragged myself to the pub for lunch with Travis, Kathy, and Tonia. I lent them my copy of “V for Vendetta” as they were going to see it that night. Then I went home to shamble about the house in a drug-induced fog. Your Sister went out with a teacher pal for a girls’ night out. Sunday, I was still sick and couldn’t join her to see “A Doll’s House” in Greenville. Again, stayed at home, took medicine, listened to myself blink. I stayed home from work yesterday to gather my strength while she had a teacher workday. We met up for lunch and I ventured out into the blasting sunlight for a quick meal and then scurried back to the cold, dark embrace of the couch.

While I was couch-ridden, I watched some of March Madness. The end of regulation in the LSU/Texas game was insane, and GMU was throwing down three-pointers on UConn like they were playing on an undersized court. I also re-watched Constantine, another film based on an Alan Moore creation, but drawing from stories written by other writers. It’s a fine little horror movie. Much better than one might expect. We both watched “West Wing” Sunday, and the series is definitely changing the status quo as it fades away. I still say a series with Smits and Alda as a combined administration would make for fine TV. I also watched some James Bond on AMC.

Your Sister and I are going to host a woman from France for a few days in May. A group of French folks are traveling through North Carolina to speak to local rotary groups. Our schedule guest is named Valerie and majored in fine arts, giving us something to talk about if we can understand each other.

Holy crap, we move the clocks ahead this weekend. Oh, the agony.

Sketch Day
Wonder Woman. Still the top heroine in comics and one of the few female secular icons recognizable worldwide.

In the news
When is a law not a law? When it only passes one house of Congress. Bush signed it and claims it’s a law anyway.

+ + +

And just like that, the chief of staff resigns.

+ + +

Boy, the rhetoric over immigration and naturalization is getting ugly. The head of the Minuteman Movement called illegal immigrants “maggots” this weekend on a conservative radio show, and hundreds of thousands are protesting the bills moving through the House and Senate.