Letters to Holly

Wednesday, March 21

Cooking With Stupidity

Let's say, just for the sake of conversation, you were lactose intolerant. This condition, we'll say, emerged in your mid-20s, and you learned recently that this is not uncommon for people of Cherokee heritage. Like you, maybe. And let's say it was your turn to make dinner, oh, last night, and you decided to forgo the bottled alfredo cause to make a fresh batch from a new recipe book.

1/4 cup grated Romano
1/4 cup grated Parmesan (with additional two tablespoons set aside as a condiment)
cup whipping cream
one egg yolk
dash of nutmeg
dash of pepper
1/8 teaspoon salt
3 tablespoons butter

And follow it you did -- to the letter, to the ounce -- and gobbled up the final result with Your Smokin' Hot Wife. Would you be surprised, then, when Your Smokin Hot-Under-the-Collar Stomach decided to mutiny? Would you be shocked to experience pains and discomfort not unlike the Spanish Inquisition? Because if you wouldn't be shocked, you are a better man than I am, Gunga Din.

Lesson Learned: I'm fucking retarded. But in my defense, store-bought alfredo doesn't do this to me, and I thought I was safe. Surely, fresh ingredients are safer for me than preservative chemicals. Right? Can I get a witness? Did I make unwittingly add tainted dog food?

Moving Picture of the Day
The trailer for the third Pirates of the Caribbean. I think we'll see it nine times.

In the News
A fantastic question was offered by a CNN reporter to Tony Snow yesterday during the daily pres briefing.

Q Just to follow up on one point earlier, yesterday the President said, and you've repeated, that the principle at stake here with executive privilege is that the President needs to get candid advice from his advisors, right?

MR. SNOW: What the President has talked about is privileged communications with close staff members, that is correct.

Q But earlier you were saying that, when I asked about, well, was the President informed of this decision, did the President sign off on U.S. attorneys being fired, you said the President has no recollection of being informed of all this.

MR. SNOW: Correct.

Q So were his advisors really advising him on this? Is this really privileged communication involving the President and his advisors, if the President wasn't looped in, you're saying, on this decision? So it was other people --

MR. SNOW: Well, that also falls into the intriguing question category.

Q But, I mean --

MR. SNOW: No, you're asking -- you're asking me to -- look, Ed, there are a number of complex legal considerations in here, and I'm not going to try to play junior lawyer. These are the sort of things that people are going to have an opportunity to talk about.

Q But aren't you having it both ways? If you're saying the President wasn't in the loop, but we need to cite executive privilege for the President's communications --

MR. SNOW: No, what you're -- what you are saying is, are conversations that didn't take place privileged? Well, no -- they didn't take place.

Q So what are you protecting, if they didn't take place?

MR. SNOW: Well, no, we're not -- what we're trying to do is to protect the ability of the American people to see folks in Washington get at the truth without, in fact, engaging in the kind of unseemly partisanship that has too often been a factor in recent political life.

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Internet Radio may be killed off by new royalty regulations increasing the amount artists and labels are to be paid by online stations. While the rate is measured in penny fractions, it's based on the number of listeners, not the number of times the song is played. A station has to pay a minimum of $500 a year. This hurts independent stations the most.

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