Letters to Holly

Friday, April 3

Cooking with Villainy 5

Doom at times hankers for comfort food, sustenance which soothes Doom's troubled brow (upon which genius rests) and transports Doom to the glorious chamber of sleep. It is at these times Doom summons the Comfort Cookbook, the culinary grimoire within which one finds the greatest collection of recipes dating back to the ur-chefs of the first human tribes whose evolution has resulted in Doom, the apex of human development. Of course. OF COURSE.

This night, Doom seeks the succor of sweet potatoes but wishes to be unencumbered by the fattiness of butter and the heft of brown sugar, the common complements of the sweet potato. It is here in the Comfort Cookbook that Doom unveils the one answer that Doom requires: Zesty Italian Sweet Potatoes and Chicken.

As ever, Doom allows for some degree of customization of the recipe. Doom is kind and generous. This cannot be questioned. You may replace chicken with some other similar protein vehicle, if you must. And in this, you should again be grateful to the largess of Doom. But in all other matters of this process, do not dare deviate.

Doom commands you to activate your oven to 375 degrees.

Doom commands you to place your protein vehicle in an ungreased pan.

Doom commands you to prepare 1/3 cup or mayonnaise or similarly textured salad dressing. Doom prefers Ranch; you would do well to emulate him in all ways. To this, add 1/3 cup of Zesty Italian dressing and a tablespoon each of rosemary, basil, and oregano. Mix them together thoroughly.

Doom commands you to brush the protein vehicle with this mixture and place into the ready oven for 30 minutes. In the interim, prepare two medium-sized sweet potatoes by peeling and slicing them into 1-inch pieces. While you await for the initial 30 minutes to end, Doom invites you to contemplate your role in Doom's kingdom and the protection of his subjects from the arrogance of the Accursed Richards. He seeks you harm, my subjects, and Doom will not allow it. Doom is ever vigilant, and his unsleeping army of Doombots protects you as you go about your daily duties, all for the betterment of Latveria and your rightful ruler.

Doom commands you to turn the chicken after 30 minutes, add the potatoes, and pour the remaining dressing mixture upon the dish. Do not waste the precious compound. It is delectable, and Doom will not see a drop ignored.

Doom commands you to bake again for another 30 minutes. You may use this time to put quill to parchment and compose a ballad to Doom. Doom appreciates your outpouring of sincere affection for your king. Also, epic poems describing the inevitable downfall of the Accursed Richards are welcome and will entertain Doom in the quiet hours of the night.

Doom commands you to remove the dish upon the end of the second half hour and consume.

Doom commands you to crave and devour.

+ + +

In a news story that's a blockbuster to a certain contingent, a virtually finished work print of next month's Wolverine movie is available online in pirate torrent sites. It's happened before. The Ang Lee Hulk movie was leaked, but that was a print from earlier in the production process. This Wolverine print is practically the theatrical release, and the FBI has been contact to track down the person who swiped it and put it online. Twentieth Century Fox is allegedly concerned about box-office results, as the online pirating community is often seen as closely connected to the very fanboys the film wants to lure into theatres.

Personally, I don't think it will affect the take that much as I'm confident the casual female audience will show up in droves. Virtually every woman I've talked to who was dragged to see the X-Men films by her boyfriend went ga-ga over Hugh Jackman with the hair and jacket and muscles. They'll make up for any indignant or sated online viewers who stay away from the cinema. Your Sister, for instance, asked if we were going as soon as the first commercial ended. In fact, she asked again last night when the commercial aired during a House rerun.

I won't watch the film online, but now I have to avoid certain sites or risk having the movie spoiled.

Picture of the Day
This should be wallpaper size.


Anonymous said...

yeah, so I never really appreciated that Dr. Doom was a real character. I just had to wiki him. I even thought that I had seen most of a FF movie.

I apologize for my ignorance.

Gregory said...


Doom is the classic Marvel Comics villain. He is powered by his own ego and always ultimately undone by it. He narrates his every action and thought, recording it for posterity, and that's what creates the arrogant voiceovers.

I could, however, make up a supervillain in the Doom mold to narrate the recipe comics.

I also do a Dr. Hulk call-in radio therapist character with Your Sis.

"Hulk am listening. Mm hm. Mm hm. And how that make you feel?"

It sounds in my head like a cross behind Sam the Eagle and Cookie Monster.