Bye, Tonia

Got home last night as Your Sister was returning from the grocery store. We quickly cleaned the house and started working on dinner. Kathy and Tonia and Travis came over for a farewell party; Tonia's going back home to Germany. I made pizza. Your Sis bought a large cookie from the store. I also taped two World Cup Games for them to choose from. They arrived about an hour later. Neither game was watched as they chose an "Iron Chef" episode instead, and I gave them a lengthy explanation of how the show worked. Also showed off my Iron Chef apron. We then watched "Last Comic Standing," a bizarre show where loud, unfunny people are chosen by the audience over the witty folks. They left a litle before 10, and tearful goodbyes were exchanged. I'm gonna miss that kid, but Kathy and Travis are expecting a baby near September. They won't have much time to be bored.

We're planning on a Father's Day lunch with your folks on Saturday. Your Sis has two more days of work, and then her Long Summer Nap shall commence.

Still working. I'll bring the funny later.

The Quickness

I'm trying to slap out a magazine in a week's time. I gota edit, draw, layout, and ship it for a proof on Monday. GAH!

Today is a busy one, and I'll post more tomorrow.

Holy Crap, I'm Tired

Friday was a low-key night. We grabbed Chinese food and watched Batman Begins, still the best story of that character I've ever seen.

Saturday, we worked on the yard in what became an insanely hot day. She attended the high-school graduation while I recovered indoors. I took away the trash and recycling and hoped to treat myself to a crackaccino. Wait, no, I actually needed change from a $20 in case the landfill folks charged me more than a buck for the trash, and my chosen change-making opurchase was the crackaccino. I stopped off at the nearest gas station to find a customer befuddled by her franchise gift card. The clerk couldn't communicate to her how much money she had, and the customer was anxious over ... something, I dunno. The woman was a moron. A guy stood behind her trying to buy beer, and I stood behind him with my sweeeeet coffee drug. Five minutes later, he puts back the beer and walks out. I move up to his spot and listen in. It sounds like they're wrapping up the conversation. I decide to wait. But they never finish. Both women take turns second-guessing themselves. They check and recheck the numbers and enter long pauses of indecision. After another five minutes, I give up. I put the bottle back in the freezer and walk out the door. The clerk finally acknowledges me and apologizes loudly. The customer begins to bundle up her receipts and follows me out the door. She's apologizing and shouting "I'm done. I'm sorry. I'm done. I'm sorry." And I could have turned around, gone back in, and gotten my coffee. But I was mad. And it's a mad I latched onto. Neither woman seemed to realize I wasn't the only person to leave unhappy. That other guy didn't get an apology, and I wonder if that's because he was a black guy trying to buy beer. I don't look for reasons to be mad, but retail incompetence on either side of the counter hits my hair trigger.

In the afternoon, I watched World Cup. The feared adjustment period never materialized, as I was instantly hooked. While ABC and ESPN broadcasted, the Spanish channel coverage was a few seconds ahead and featured better contrast. We ultimately watched about six games this weekend, and we're hoping to have a party this week with games playing in the background.

That night, we attended the teacher party. Your Sister stayed sober while I threw back Smirnoff Ice.

On Sunday, we graded essays. All damn day. Twenty-four thrilling papers on genocides. I proofed and she assigned grades, but we both read them, and we're not better for it. Starting at about 2 p.m., we finished up around 1 a.m. In between, we watched more World Cup, listened to some of Who Framed Roger Rabbit [still a technical marvel], glanced at some VH1 '80s videos, at a quick supper with Ktahy and Travis and their Ohio friends, watched the Tonys, and ate some frozen wedding cake. The cake held up wel,l and had no taste of freon whatsoever. The Tonys, however, didn't seem to have thawed enough. It was an awkward ceremony and oddly subdued for a 60th anniversary of the awards. Between the sun, the drinking, the interminable essays, and the late night, I am beat. How tired am I? I dreamed that I stayed up all night and was dead tired. THEN I woke up.

Picture of the Day
Quake in fear, geek boys. The Emperor and Voldemort are in the same play on Broadway. Ian McDiarmid won for featured actor in a play (read: best supporting actor). And, if you really want to be really geeky, the actor who plays Harry Potter's cruel uncle won a best actor Tony. Who else was there last night? James Earl Jones. Evil's afoot, y'all.

Step Right Inside, Stupid People

I work on the second floor of a building with two main doors. The front door faces Tunnel Road and is always locked for three reasons:

1) We don’t want salesmen.

2) We don’t want vagrants.

3) We don’t want people looking for the old real estate office.

The realtors moved out in Nov. 2005, but we still get people trying to rent a house. The other door is in the back of the building, next to the parking lots. This is the entrance we employees use. Some people looking for the realtors are so determined that they go around to this back door. Now, one must remember that in getting to that door, they missed the giant yellow sign for our organization and the lack of a large two-story red sign for the realtors. They also missed the organization crest above the front door and the completely new landscaping we’ve put down.

Still, they come in the back door. This door leads to a small room where one finds a door and a staircase. What do they all do? They go up the stairs to where I, and now a new lady, work. They will roam the halls until they find someone. This has happened to me a lot. It happened again yesterday morning. But it wasn’t someone looking for the realtors. It was a vagrant.

This old guy – raggedy and shuffling – found the new lady. I heard her trying to figure out what he wanted and hopefully lead him out the door. I walked up and asked what was happening. She immediately thanked me. The guy is holding what looks like a check card and mumbling about food stamps. Now I doubt he’s lucid, and I’m not so much asking him as suggesting to him what he might be doing. I’m leading him to tell us what he really wants, not what he claims to look for. He says he wants to use the card to call a number to get food stamps. He’s not using our phones for this. I ask him if he has quarters to call from a payphone, and I show him that I have some to give. Before he can ask, I ask to see the number. It’s an 800 number, so he doesn’t need quarters. Back in the pocket they go. I then direct him across the street to the Greyhound station where they surely have a payphone (and if not, I don’t care).

I also note that the card features the signature of “Angela B.” on the back. This is not his card. He could received it from her, found a lost card, or stolen it. I probably should have pressed him on it, but I didn’t care. It’s my responsibility now to move him along, not bust him. Plus, he’s obviously looking for some sort of currency (even if he didn’t realize he could have lied about the number and taken my quarters). I won’t get between a desperate man and access to money. This mystery isn’t worth it to me to solve. Besides, unless Angela also wrote her PIN on the card, he can’t use it for anything, and he’ll discover that soon. I escorted him out the door and told the downstairs people what happened. I have asked for a while now that we label the downstairs interior door with an “OFFICE” sign so people won’t come up the staircase. Unless they walk by my office, or now hers, we can’t hear them, and they can wander or hide for hours, maybe until we close. Downstairs, vistors would open that door and immediately encounter occupied offices.

This kind of wandering happened in my old paper offices. Vagrants would walk in and ask for money or work. We would deny them, shoo them off, and lock the back door for a while. There’s no need to be mean. Just quickly and gently eject them from where they ain’t supposed to be.

And about three hours after I typed this, someone came in looking for the realtors. Two in one day, if you can believe it. The boss called after they left to say we’re now locking the back door. And if anyone does manage to sneak in, we call the cops.

Your Sis and I grabbed a pub dinner and had a nice long conversation with an outside meal. Her brains are scrambled from the effort to close shop before next week. While we watched the Dallas-Miami game, I helped her check off marks on the final research papers. We finished up around midnight, and I can already tell she's ready for summer, because she never stays up that late.

Tomorrow is our one-year anniversary as spouses and homeowners. It's been a busy year, and while most of it has flown by, I do get the sense of the year's passage. Still, it's been a very easy year with her, and I can easily handle doing this for another 49, if possible. We're not giving each other presents, but we are saving the money for a real and true honeymoon. Your Sis is a doll and a peach of a wife. I'm extremely lucky she didn't trust anyone else enough to marry them.

My obsession with the 1986 horror film From Beyond is so overwheleming that I bought a recent back issue of a Candaian magazine featuring a cover story on the movie. I saw it solicited in a monthly comic catalog and tracked it down online. This film strayed across my path when I was an impressionable teen, and part of my brain imprinted on it. It's total schlock, and something of a relic -- true monster movies are rare these days. I also have a press packet for the film and a late '80s Belgian poster hanging in my workshop. Allegedly, a domestic DVD is coming out soon. It was put onto DVD in Germany two years ago which does my Region I player and incompatible TV (NTSC vs PAL format) no good.

Picture of the Day
You saw X3 and watched Kitty fight on the team, but did you know what her costume really looks like?

That's right, she's kinda punky. It goes with her confounding ballet-ninja skills. For the longest time, she followed Wolverine around, as Rogue does in the first X-Men film. And she always had a thing for Colossus, the steel-armor X-Man.

It's Only Thursday?

Your Sister wrapped up the official school year yesterday, but she still hs work to do. Grades are due tomorrow at noon, but since the majority of teachers never meet that deadline, she probably has until Tuesday to finish. There is remediation today and tomorrow for kids who failed their state exams. Remediation is hell. Teachers review the class for five hours and then give the test for another two. No matter how many kids are there. She's done this before for one kid. One. Seven hours of the same subject is enough to befuddle a genius, but a kid taking a make-up exam when everyone else is out of school? That's pressure I will gladly live without.

I made din-din last night: lemon-garlic-pepper chicken alfredo with sauteed red pepper. It's easy to make with a gas broiler.

I received word this week that a comic anthology I submitted a short story to will publish this Halloween. Given that I turned it in last August (on two week's notice) for last Halloween, I'll believe it when I see it. I rushed the art and wish I had known I had a full year to improve it.

Picture of the Day
My proposed cover for the next Pan Pipes. It's a desktop statue of the Three Graces we have on the second floor.



In the news
We got al-Zarqawi last night. But immediately we heard that this will not drastically reduce the insurgency in Iraq.

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Despite virtually no country radio airplay, the Dixie Chicks have the top CD in the country for the second consecutive week. Country radio is apprently run my ferrets, because this happens a lot. Johnny Cash and Loretta Lynn had recent No. 1 CDs with nary a tune played on a country station. They did, however, play on rock stations because of producers Rick Rubin and Jack White, respectively. I'm no fan of country music in general. I like some folks (Alan Jackson, George Strait) but I grew up listening to '70s AM radio county, tunes that were designed to get you laid or depressed. The modern country stuff, by and large, is audio wallpaper for a daily commute. The Chicks also worked with Rubin, which allows some stations and anti-Chicker to claim the CD is bought by rock fans and Bush-haters, not real country fans. But it should be noted that it's killing the latest Toby Keith CD in sales.

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A note about why I love theatre: This if from today's New York Times.

"The Pajama Game" became a waiting game last night when a minor accident injured a cast member and caused a 27-minute interruption in the performance.

To calm the restless audience in the American Airlines Theater, Harry Connick Jr., who plays the lead character, Sid, conducted a question-and-answer session, sang "Happy Birthday" to someone in the audience and talked about the future of his native New Orleans and his high school career.

The interruption came during an office scene, right before the song "I'll Never Be Jealous Again," when two desks moving onto the stage collided. Roz Ryan, who plays Mabel, was sitting in a chair behind one of them and was slightly injured.

According to a spokesman for the show, one of the chains that moves the scenery broke. As the curtain came down and the staff worked to patch it, Mr. Connick stepped onto the stage, shedding the flat Midwestern accent of his character for his native New Orleans lilt.

Finally, the conductor signaled him. "Harry, it's time." The show started back up, with Ms. Ryan continuing in her role, right where it had left off.

About the Batwoman debate ...

About a week ago, the New York Times unleashed an article about DC Comics' effort to make their cast resemble minority demographics. The new Blue Beetle is a Latino teen. China has a team of superpeople. And the company is dusting off Batwoman and giving the name to an already established gay woman. The conservative news outlets saw this and went apeshit. There is some confusion about what DC is doing here.

First, of course, it's a marketing ploy. DC is trying to get buzz by pushing their first mainstream gay character and making her part of the Batfranchise. Now, they've had gay characters before. The Vertigo wing of DC is geared toward an older, more literate audience and has included gay characters now for about 20 years. Also, another DC wing printed a comic with very obvious copies of Superman and Batman involved in a gay relationship. Eventually though, DC squashed the clear depictions of their affection, much to the chagrin of the writers. Marvel Comics, the competitor, has also featured gay characters for about a decade now, some within the mighty X-franchise. When the company recently decided to court mainstream audiences, they reimagined an older Western character called Rawhide Kid in a winking, gay miniseries. And independent comics have gay characters all over the place. Much like network TV, comic publishers they can catch eyes if they toss in a wacky gay character or use one to add pathos for dramatic effect.

Second, this isn't BatGIRL. This is BatWOMAN. Batwoman was never a mainstream character. The redhead in the 1960s TV show, the female cartoon character incarnations, and Alicia Silverstone were all Batgirl. She's a female Robin. Batwoman was the intermediary between Batman and Catwoman. Many outlets are confusing the two female characters, and its understandable. Comics often call any female spinoff character a "girl."

But the most egregious confusion lies in the constant comparison of comics to the 1960s Batman TV show. Inside the comic community, this is as outdated a standard as you can find. That version of Batman hasn't been seen in a DC comic since the 1970s, when the company purposefully veered away from that TV depiction to return the Caped Crusader to his roots as a spooky scourge of villainy. That show has done more to create expectations of comics than any other adaptation, and it's obsolete in every way. Whenever a newspaper runs an article on modern comics, they take the stance that "comics aren't for kids anymore" and add POW! BOFF! effects in the headlines. It's lazy writing. It's been done for decades. Even when I submitted an article for the daily newspaper about an upcoming convention, they used the sound effects in the headline. Even after I asked them not to. And I worked there at the time.

Anyway, the conservative indignants try to rouse their rabble by saying comics are supposed to be like the Batman TV show. They then say DC is deliberately steering their books in a more mature, amoral direction, and then they of course assume comics are only read by eight-year-olds. DC then sounds like they've decided to peddle smut to your little angels. Just not so. Mainstream comics in general have gotten much darker, much more adult and graphic over the years. It's the nature of the pulp media. Add to that the growing readership that's college age or older. The indusrty wrings its hands every few months as it tries to figure out a way to win over some of those eight-year-olds. But they're too busy playing video games.

Me, I don't care about the debate for two reasons. First, there's no need for a Batwoman. There's already Batman, Robin, Nightwing (the first Robin) , Batgirl, Oracle (the first Batgirl), and Huntress, who's Batwoman in everything but the name. What does Batwoman bring to the table? Nothing new, except her interest in women. Now I haven't read the new Batwoman comic. No one has. But I like a simple approach to franchises, and the Bat-umbrella already has too many people underneath it.

The other reason why I don't care? I've read gay characters in comics for years now. While I like seeing new takes on stock characters, I've never said "yes, that's an interesting gay woman, but she needs some outrageously large ears and a cape to be a fully developed character." I'm not calling for a boycott. I just don't have any interest in buying the comic. The general online geek reaction is a big shrugged shoulder. It's yet anotehr Bat-character, and she's gimmicked as a lesbian. No one sees this as anything than a marketing ploy.

We watched two hours of "House" last night. It's becoming a favorite show, a testament to the writing and acting. The characters rarely leave the hospital, so it ain't the vistas luring us to the show. We learned that my parents will not make it this weekend to visit, but it's for the best. Your Sister realized just yesterday that graduation is Saturday. She wouldn't be able to do anything with them if they had driven up. But this means the annual post-graduation teacher party is a few days away. That's always fun. Your dad came by the office to drop off some Africa souvenirs. He also invited us to go back with them next year. This is something to discuss at home; we don't think we can mange a Chicago trip this summer and Africa the next.

Picture of the Day
This comes out on June 19, and we're definitely catching it. It looks great.

Devil Day

Travis is dyingdyingdying to see the new Omen film.Your Sister is trying to pir us up to see it as a "man-date." I like horror films. He likes horror films. We both saw The Exorcism of Emily Rose last year, but I hear bad things about this new film. And, dammit, the original holds up. There's no need for a new Omen.

I finally made it back to the gym for what I believe was one of my best workouts. I did the bike, the treadmill, the weights, and the tummy machine. The machines tell me I lost at least 250 calories, which I promptly put back on with wings, fries, and beer. I hope to go back on Wednesday, and maybe after, I'll eat better.

Picture of the Day
This is what Earth looks like on Mars.

In the news
The Senate debates the gay-marriage-ban amendment and debates if it should debate the gay-marriage-ban amendment. Bush dusted off the "activist judges" catchphrase to explain why the Republican Party is supporting a federal action to overrule state referendums. This is the party of states' rights and smaller government, remember. It's a waste of time that could be used to accomplish something truly necessary. Why am I against the amendment and for the rights of gays to marry? My simple notions:

1) There's no reason why a taxpaying adult with no criminal record should be banned from access to a state license such as a wedding permit.
2) Wanna boost state finances? Allowing gay folks to marry means they buy wedding licenses and boost local economies with weddings.
3) Marriage is a purely civil concern. It's the incorporation of two separate entities into a joint venture. Gender only becomes a concern to those who think marriage is a) divinely established; or b) designed purely to sire children.
4) Since when does the Constitution list amendments against individual rights?
5) Why not make adultery and divorce illegal if the security of marriage as a social structure is endangered?
6) The "slippery slope" argument is easily countered. Some say this means a group of people could then get married. To them I say, that's OK. Let them. Others say it will mean adults will try to marry children. To that, let's point to the various ages at which one can marry. In Kansas, as recently as two years ago, 12-year-olds could marry. Some say it will mean people will try to marry animals. But the license can't be binding unless you can prove the animals can sign his name or affirm consent of the vows. We're talking about consenting adults entering into a union of loyalty, support, and shared possessions. Love is a nice notion, but love can't be madanted, proven, or sanctioned by the state.

There's no reason to have this debate now unless it's to distract from the real national matters at hand: security, energy, diplomacy. I live my life gleefully bereft of the concern as to what my neighbors do in their homes. As long as they aren't harming children and making bombs, it's really not my business. It's not anyone's.

Your Sister Has No Soul. But You Knew This.

We are still trying to clear out space on our TiFaux. Your Sister has 55 episodes of "Mad About You" which hopefully will be watched and deleted during summer vacation. Until then, we watch a few half-hour shows and delete them before the TiFaux hits its limit and starts erasing whatever strikes its mechanical fancy. This weekend we watched:

Hotel Rwanda: A dreadfully bad movie with good acting. Don Cheadle fans must watch this. Everyone else can skip it. The directing is bad, the filters and lighting are pedestrian, and the last line (which should hit you like a hammer) is almost inaudible.

Grove Arcade: A UNC PBS history of the Grove Arcade. Duller than dirt.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off: We are thinking of Chicago for a honeymoon, and I figured she should watch a film where people do things in Chicago. Plus, she had never seen this before. I thought it couldn't miss. It makes fun of high school, features parade karaoke, and she likes Broderick. But no. She didn't like it. She chuckled maybe three times (shockingly, all at Cameron), and this may the last time I try to watch a comedy with my wife. I also realized that Ferris is a genius at skipping school and flustering authority, but has no imagination about visiting the city. The stock market, a Cubs game, the Sears Tower, and a museum? This is what high-school kids want to do when they escape school? He could have robbed a bank or annexed Indiana.

Revenge of the Sith: We started Master & Commander and then realized we hadn't watched this on DVD yet. It doesn't hold up well as a story. As set pieces and action sequences, it's good stuff. The rest is needless dialogue, and Natalie Portman doing jack shit. Ian McDiarmid completely owns the prequels. He knows what he's doing in every scene.

Justice League Unlimited: Your Sister likes the cartoon. Whoda thunk?

As for the rest of the weekend, she slept a lot while finished the mix CD for Travis. I also worked a bit more on the Star Wars drawings and am nearing the point where I have to decide on tight pencils or ink for the final version. I finally got a haircut and fed the pets-in-law for what I think is the last time. I'm not sure when your parents get back, but it was supposed to happen last night. I haven't heard from them. Kampas tried to bite me when I held her back from another dog. I think she's cranky from missing your parents.

Your Sister is no longer staying overnight in the Sick Bed, and there was much, um, rejoicing.

Mind-Boggling Picture of the Day
This letter ran in Wednesday's edition of The Transylvania Times. It appears exactly as it was printed.

I'd like to think this is a joke letter, but it sounds a lot like what normally runs in the paper.


In the news
CNN reports that extraterrestrial life may have been discovered.

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A cave painting of a face might be the oldest portrait ever found. Or not. It looks like a mandrill to me.

Library and Spelling

We took the horde of books back to the library. These were two boxes' worth the library asked the community to take home to make their move easier. The new digs are nice, if a little spartan. All the new joint needed was more floorspace, and it certianly has that. It's a simple building with good lighting and an accessible layout. It also has a small ampitheatre, another recent discovery that makes me want to try theatre again. We ran into some students scrambling to finish research papers. One tried to get Your Sister to edit his work, and I told him she's off-duty. Then we ran home to watch the spelling bee.

I started to think the Saryn Cook angle was just that: scripted. The judges admit to a spelling mistake in the first primetime network airing? And it allows the cute girl to return to fight again (and by "cute I mean she had her hair done and what appared to be make-up)? I'm a cynic. It tripped my alarm. Her subsequent loss suggested her return didn't affect the outcome so much, protecting any effort to provide a shock without putting the contest in her lap.

Still, it's a fascinating spectacle because we get to watch people think, a rarity for TV. Ms. Close deserved to win as she outlasted a Canadian who got at least four French words in the last three rounds. Talk about luck.

Speaking of the Canadian, she was there because the contest is open to all English-speaking nations, yet so many words were not English: French, Greek, Turkish, native Hawaiian, German. What's the deal? Either it's an English spelling contest or it's not. If not, why should the official language of a competitor's nation matter?

Your Sister had very little trouble with the German words, including the winning word "ursprache."

Picture of the Day
This gets a little complicated. The image below is of the first appearance of Jean Grey as Phoenix. This is possibly the biggest moment in the X-Men franchise, as it set up storylines for decades. It also plays a part in the X2 and X3 films. This is drawn by John Byrne, who co-wrote and drew the majority of the original Phoenix material, including its holy-crap ending. But this is an homage to the guy who originally drew the scene, Dave Cockrum. Byrne is a lightning rod for online geek chats. He's certainly one of the more significant artist/writers of the past 25 years, but he's also one of the most vilified. Rumors about his ego and professionalism dog him, and as far as I know, it's unfounded. Either way, he energized the X-Men, Fantastic Four, Superman, and Wonder Woman franchises over the course of this career. And he can draw anything. He's been a fave of mine since I was barely a teen.



In the news
Get ready for Loud Words. On Monday, Bush will back a Senate bill to add an amendment against gay marriage. This is a ploy to win back the GOP diehards who drifted away because of the war. Al Franken (funny guy, lousy radio host) said the GOP won the 2004 election with "fears and queers," spooking the Heartland with tales of terrorists and gays. Looks like they're trying it again.

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According to ABC, Homeland Security excused a reduction in anti-terrorism funding to New York because there were no national monuments there of interest to terrorists. I'm dumbstruck.

Supper and Spelling

We had a late-ish dinner with Kathy and Travis at the local pub. Another great time, as usual. Tonis leaves within the month, and we need a going-away party for her. Something silly and upbeat. Also, she needs to give us back some DVDs. She's German; she's annexed them. I offered to help Travis paint the nursery this weekend, but he wants to tackle the project himself, and I can understand that completely. But if he changes his mind, we'll shoot the shit and inhale toxic fumes all day. Your Sister is still in the Sick Bed, but we managed to watsh come of the Heat-Pistons game last night as she slowly crashed into oblivion. Because we dated over state lines, we started a tradition of watching at least one NBA finals game in a bar. We'll to that again this year. Doesn't matter who's playing. We commandeer a table for the whole game, from anthem to wrap-up, and drink like fish. School's usually over by that point anyway.

Tonight, ABC airs the final round of the National Spelling Bee. If you've never seen it, this is hypnotic stuff. The coverage this year includes short features to introduce the favorites to win. No es bueno. The kids shouldn't be the object of that kind of intimate speculation. They should be like racehorses: They show up, do their thing, and go back home. The only celebrity is the winner. Or some kid who does something loopy when he realizes he can't win. I want to see a small bespectacled lad imitate a Jay-Z rap instead of giving a go at "encephalon." What happens if he won't stop? Will security take him down? Can we see a nerd get Tasered on live TV?

Picture of the Day
The new international poster for the Soupyman film. No bad at all.


In the news
The allegations of a Marine slaughter in Haditha, Iraq allows the right-wing folks to claim it's all a ploy by liberals to slam the military, which they supposedly hate. Both Hugh Hewitt and Sean Hannity began yesterday's radio shows with a plea for level-headed investigations and then proceeded to insult everybody who might have once read a New York Times once in their lives. I don't agree with the suggestion that such an incident means the entire military is amoral nor do I think they followed some shadowy mandate from the Pentagon to do this. Although some like leftwing host Randi Rhodes do say the Abu Ghraib guards were following orders to torture. Maybe so. But we can't overlook the inherent probability of such events by battle-ragged assholes.

Like any other large organization, you're going to get a segment that lacks discipline and good judgement. And in that segment will lurk another that is just fundamentally flawed, a bad thing waiting to happen. War is no excuse for inhumanity, and what I don't like from hannity and Hewitt is their repeated effort last night to exucse such an incident by saying how another marine was killed by a bomb. This rationalizes, to them, a bloodthirsty rage. Rage is understandable, but the military is all about focusing that for effective combat, not storming a private house and killing families. Ugly rhetoric is gonna fly no matter the outcome of the investigation. It's a midterm election year; folks are grabbing for any rallying stance they can find, and the GOP needs to stir up pro-military voters to buoy their chances for holding Congress just as much as the Democrats want to say Iraq is devolving into chaos. The GOP talking heads are attacking former Marine and Congressman John Murtha for his comments about the incident. They claim he's insulting the Corps, but he's saying the troops are under too much stress to act rationally. He's defending them, proving he's still loyal to the Marines.

Death By Curry

Your Sister is back in the Sick Bed with this school-incubated bug. She attended a shower for a teaching buddy scheduled to marry in July, and I ate a leftover curry dish. Some times the curry dilutes when frozen and thawed. Not this one. It was painful. I could only eat one plate. And then I gave birth to an alien. We watched the Don Cheadle epsiode of "Inside the Actor's Studio" and called it a night. It's become so hot outside that I seek the sweet embrace of air conditioning and a nap. Sometimes married life is work, commute, eat, couch, bed.

Picture of the Day
This is what the World Cup balls look like. According to Sports Illustrated, they fly differently, and the goalkeepers think a scheme is afoot to increase scoring.

Memorial Day

The weekend was productive. I mowed and weeded the lawn. I cleaned up the barrier strip between the driveway and the runoff. I trimmed the shrubs on the walkway. I started the package design for Travis's mash-up CD. I fed the pets-in-law. I bought new shoes. I finished the X-Men videogame and started a Hulk game (crafted just like Grand Theft Auto, but you throw people instead of shooting them). I made wings and fries for Travis and Your Sister for the wrestling show. And I drew a bit.

We also watched some films.

Elizabeth: This was Cate Blanchett's first big role. It's not a great film; in fact, it's weirdly boring. It shows us the events without allowing emotional investment. Instead of telling the story, it shows it. Only Blanchett makes it noteworthy at all, as Elizabeth is despised by her court on religious grounds and assumes a throne beset by France and Spain. The composition of camera shots is top-notch.

Amelie: An utter charmer of a film, and I wished I had seen it before. Your Sister said she saw this with you in Chapel Hill but dozed off. Shock. She enjoyed it much more this time having seen the whole thing. We watched this from our TiFaux archive, but I'd like the DVD. This might be one of those perfect films to run in the background while working around the living room.

X3: I talked about this already, but I'm stunned by the virulent reaction by comic fans. The majority of online X-fans hate this film with a personal indignance. I'm left wondering another matter: Is Ian McKellan the most bankable movie star in the busuness? With two hugely successful geek franchises (Lord of the Rings and X-Men), he also stars in the Da Vinci Code which, I understand, is based on a some book by the same name. He's had some Oscar nominations and even directed a killer version of Richard III. If you needed an older white guy to bring heft to a role, wouldn't he be in the top three candidates?

I started both Saved!, a satire on Baptist high schools, and City of God, the Brazilian gang film. I'll watch them in chunks as time permits.

Picture of the Day
There may be two men who crafted and defined the style of comics and cartoons since 1960: Jack Kirby and Alex Toth. Toth died over the holiday weekend. He's not a name many know, but generations have seen his work. He provided many of the designs and model sheets for Hanna-Barbera cartoons for shows like Jonny Quest, Superfriends, Space Ghost, and Herculoids. He also drew comics and his work on "Zorro" may have ben his best. While Kirby was all about hyperkinetic body positioning (while co-creating the Marvel Universe of heroes), Toth focused on light, line weight, and simplified depiction. Toth didn't waste lines. When a new editor for the East Carolina University newspaper comics page took office, he assigned the cartoonists to bone up on Toth. He was the inspiration to follow: clean lines, strong composition, and clarity of depiction. Look at the third panel on the page below. No one did the light tricks like Toth.


In the news
The new treasury secretary candidate is the first major appointment by the administration that doesn't elevate a crony or policy parrot. Henry Paulson comes from Goldman Sachs.

+ + +

A riot in Afghanistan after an U.S. truck accident. A car bomb hits a prominent network news team in Iraq. The Marine slaughter-coverup scandal isn't helping our public image. We're distracted by Iran. I don't really have a point here. I just wish the adults who are supposedly in charge would show up and fix things.

X3 (no spoils)

I saw the film Saturday afternoon with Your Sister and her teaching assistant, and I'll tell you true: X3 is a hellacious superhero film. It's a proper third film in what appears to be a trilogy and not just a tacked-on sequel. It pays off some big subplots, establishes new folks, and expands the known characters. Magneto is an outright villain, Beast steals the film, and all the Hugh Jackman fangirls will have plenty to enjoy here.

However, the majority of online comic fans that I have encountered hate it. They complain it drifts too far from the original comics. It's a non-argument. This is an alternate film universe and has been since the first film. Things are drastically different, and I enjoy seeing new tangents woven and cut. This film is filled with big events; the status quo is barely glanced at, much less upheld. Once you stop clenching the beloved source comics, you'll find quite a tight adherence to their themes. Comic writers would give their right hands to craft a story this seismic and see it printed by Marvel Comics. X3 does things the comics gang can't for fear of losing that petulent audience, and that's what makes it a good movie for everybody. It isn't afraid to shake things up while moving the story along logically.

I admit, the comic purist in me has gripes. But the film fan realizes the two media have different rules about character progression. And so, I shut up, sit back, and enjoy what is here, not what I would do differently. This is a fun movie, and it does the previous films justice. Much like Batman Begins and the two Spider-Man films, it keeps what worked, adjusts what was clunky, and shows the world the relationships, themes, and character elements we comic geeks enjoyed.

Now, can Superman Returns top that?

Viva La Friday

The wife is definitely sick, but she won't stay in the Sick Bed. Her comfort food apparently is Egg Drop Soup as she asked me to pick some up for dinner. We watched a "MythBusters" episode on the TiFaux, and I learned yesterday that the show's cute gal Kari has posed for a men's magazine. The online pictures are almost despressing. They took a casual-attire tomboy and made her into a plastic fetish pin-up. All of her natural appeal is spackled over. There's no charm to it whatsoever.

Having no idea what to do for Your Sister's birthday, she has asked us to shelve any gifts and gestures until the summer school break.

We heard from Gilles and Valerie of the French Rotary Club. Both are filing through their dozens of photos taken here, and Gilles plans to bring his family back to the area for a vacation this summer.

The tide seems to be turning in favor of X3. Major outlets are hailing the film, countering the early buzz by finicky fanboys.

Moving Picture of the Day
This is what it would look like if you repackaged The Ten Commandments as a romantic high-school comedy.

In the news
Bush and Blair offered a communal mea culpa yesterday for their tough talk and assumptions about occupying Iraq. Bush cited his "wanted dead or alive" fatwah on Osama and even the much ballyhooed "bring it on." Bush cited Abu Ghraib as an event that turned the tide, but that allows him to blame soldiers. The inability to back up cowboy swagger is as embarassing and seemingly lethal to his administration. Does anyone have faith that something will occur when he declares it?

+ + +

The new scuttlebutt over the Fitzgerald investigation of the Valerie Plame affair now says columnist Bob Novak (the guy who actually published the CIA agent's name) assured by Karl Rove that Novak wouldn't reveal his source. Another rumor earlier in the week had Cheney testifying against his former aide Scotter Libby. The best the administration can do here is postpone the bad news until after the November elections.

I Have To Wait Til October?!

That's when the next new episode of "Lost" airs. Last night's season-ender was a solid show that moved focus away from the core group and toward characters that could only be previously considered peripheral. One brand-new character is apparently very significant now. We also saw the return of both a flashback person and a crash survivor. I'll say no more except this: I'm not sure I buy the answers provided because characters' perceptions and interpretations have become questionable. I TiFauxed the finale and will watch again this holiday weekend.

Oh, OK, one more thing. We are definitely now watching a science-fiction show.

I made pizza last night and again realized just how much better it is from the delivery or frozen stuff. I won't shoot down your work at Asheville Pizza because, if what I'm led to believe is true, you can win over the heart of any handsome stranger by showing him the dough-twirling trick. Not that you need any gimmicks, mind you. Your Sisiter and I have a homemade pizza pattern already: Half mushroom, half red pepper, all smothered in turkey pepperoni. Is good, jah. She's not feeling too well and fears a cold is coming on. She barely made it through last night's two-hour show. It's those damn school kids, bringing their bacterial debris into the classrooms. This won't keep me from seeing X3. I love her, but a man's gotta have his principles. And his ginormous tub o'popcorn with butter dispensed from a concession-stand caulking gun.

Our garden now hosts giant monarch caterpillars, and one thing I now know about giant monarch caterpillars is that they shit like rats, both in size and frequency. It's frightening until one considers that these things can fertilze an enire lawn by themselves.

I'm within the first 80 pages of the Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, and it's already awesome. We meet a gang of wizards led by two former Hogwarts professors, and Harry is a surly cuss.

Picture of the Day
Downtown Memphis and the Big Muddy as seen from atop the Peabody Hotel. This is where the ducks waddle to the fountain twice a day. The bright light at the top of the other building is a sign for a magazine.

Anticipation

Feeling somewhat better but a tad rundown still. The season finale of “House” continues the show’s trends of baffling ailments and smart writing. Hugh Laurie owns this show. It’s a good time to be a Gregory as this is the first name shared by House and WWE cruiserweight champ Gregory Helms.

Tonight is the season finale of “Lost,” and if it’s anything like last year’s finale, it will again leave us quivering with impatience for the next season. Supposedly, we’re going to learn a lot about the crash and possibly the island. I have my suspicions about who might show up in the last ten minutes, and when I say “suspicions,” I mean “this is how I’d write it ‘cause it would rock and rock some more.”

Your Sister asked me if I would mind the company of a teacher friend when we watch X3 Saturday. I don’t mind, actually, unless she talks during the film, and then I would have to employ my telepathic catapult. I want people to enjoy themselves at movies. Really. But do it in your indoor voice, ‘kay?. I’ve leaned over and told complete strangers to put a sock in it. The online perpetual geek orgy is split on the film. Aintitcoolnews maven Harry Knowles hates it, but I contend he writes negative reviews of blockbusters to maintain the illusion of indy cred. It doesn’t matter what the early reviews say. I’m going to watch it. At times I can’t believe they made an X-Men film, and now they’ve made three. Astounding. My inner 12-yer-old is gobsmacked. He’s not so keen on the just released trailer for the upcoming Ghost Rider movie. This is a Marvel Comics property about a man possessed by a motorcycle-riding demon with a flaming skull for a head. It stars Nic Cage (who you might recall was initially cast as the new Superman). Good ole boys will stain the screen with their joy, but it looks cheap and formulaic. Of all the Marvel titles to adapt, they pick this one. Tragic.

Picture of the Day
What happens when a team decides to turn an annual San Francisco run into a recreation of Katamari Damacy? See here.

In the news
According to Heidi MacDonald, the two-part Persepolis graphic novel is being made into a feature cartoon. It’s a good title, an autobiography of an Iranian girl jostled by the growing cultural revolution of the 1970s. It’ll be interesting to see this turned into a movie as the comic, while packed with detail, reads as an illustrated diary. I think they need to use omniscient narration as we see in “Sex and the City.”

The Memphis Syndrome

The travel seems to have hit my system hard. The air-travel pressure has decompressed my tum-tum, I can’t get enough sleep, and my eyes are strained. Your Sister wonders if I’m sick, and I in turn wonder if she’s on to something. I start taking care of the pets-in-law for another week starting tonight, and that will keep me from mowing the lawn after work. I don’t see the grass getting more than a passing glance before Saturday, when I also hope to catch the new X-Men film. Early word is that there’s a significant scene at the very end of the credits.


Picture of the Day
The Taiwanese poster for Superman. Looks sharp except for the right hand. It's bent too much at the wrist.

In the news
From ESPN comes word that Tennessee women’s basketball coach “Pat Summitt became the first women's college basketball to top the $1 million salary mark, with a six-year extension that earns her $1.125 this season.” For many reasons, she IS college women’s basketball, and I suspect, the best coach never be asked to work in the NBA.

Back From Memphis

Even though I arrived at 5:30 yesterday afternoon, I’m still feeling the jet lag. Didn’t help that my hotel room had only decorative curtain flaps that did not glide together to block the window. The sun blasted me awake each morning at about 6 a.m.

The conference went well, with about 90 attendees including eight or so vendors. The majority of folks were younger than me, but we did have some folks who handily surpassed 40. It was a packed two days of seminars. My brain is en-full-inated. The food was great each night. The event started Thursday night with a get-to-know-you dinner followed by an Elvis impersonator. Not bad at all. We all got into the mood of it. I discovered the conference assigned newbies like myself with a mentor to help us fit in. I found my guy the next day. Friday was a mass of seminars orbiting a catfish lunch. That night we packed into two vans and rode to Beale Street. After a hearty, outdoor barbeque buffet, we hit the street. We walked to the Peabody Hotel where a family of ducks live on the roof and use elevators to visit the hotel lobby fountain. We went up to see them as they were locked up for the night and got a great view of the downtown Memphis and the Mighty Mississipp. Back inside, we sat down for drinks. I chose my default libation, the screwdriver. But this joint served it in a way I’d never had it: They fill up a glass with ice and vodka and give you a second glass full of orange juice. You mix your own drink. But the ice forces you to pour the juice over the vodka, and because it’s already a full tumbler, your first sips will knock you down. We visited the Hard Rock Café and perused the local businesses before heading back to the bus.

Saturday started with a two-hour grammar course. I think I was in the minority who enjoyed it. The night ended with an awards banquet (we got bupkis) and a swank dinner and dessert. Sunday, I weeded through the vendor freebies to determine what could fit in the suitcase. If the conference had any downside, it was the hotel location (apparently the Baghdad area of Memphis) and the lack of design seminars. In fact, the organization is debating internally whether to change the group’s name to include designers, writers, and IT guys. This was an editors’ group with info mainly for editors. I picked up some new ideas, but it was focused on just one facet of what I do.

My plan for today is to file through what I brought back and organize my workspace anew, if my groggy brain will allow.

During the trip, I read the following:

The Cat Who Walked Through Walls – Heinlein’s a good read for those times when you want to read something fluffy. Entire chapters of men handing down lectures on social ethics with scattered paragraphs of hard science and flirting.

Sebastian O – Grant Morrison’s the kind of comic book writer who doesn’t spell it all out for you. You have to reread the material to get the whole picture no matter who the artist is. Every title he’s written feels like it’s missing an expository issue. This comic is about a Wildean dandy seeking revenge on his former running buddies in a Victorian steampunk England. It also sets the stage for his epic Invisibles series which presaged, if not directly influenced, The Matrix.

Torso – After chasing Capone, Elliot Ness went to Cleveland just as a serial killer started leaving body parts all over town. It’s a good story that sadly feels less like a comic and more like an illustrated movie script.

Picture of the Day
A shaky screen capture of myself standing with Elvis. Experts immediately scoffed at its authenticity. And they can go explode.

In the news
Loathe as I am to spread conspiracy theories, I can’t help but wonder what was up with Barbaro in the Preakness. It’s just too odd a series of events to be coincidence. Someone is at fault, and the jockey might be the guy. Maybe he didn’t mean to screw it up. I dunno.

+ + +

Attorney general Alberto Gonzales said the government can prosecute reporters who publish classified material. This seems to say that reporters should be responsible for leaks from the government, not those federal employees who distribute classified info. This is clearly a “shooting the messenger” scenario, and one meant to spook the news outlets.

Almost Gone

Tomorrow I leave for Memphis. I checked the hotel reservation today and the flight schedule to and from. I pack tonight, and the most important question concerns what books I carry to read. I’ve started Brief History of the Time again and will probably take it along. There’s no way I’m hauling a Harry Potter book.

Moving Picture of the Day
This is a preview of Aaron Sorkin’s "Studio 60," his follow-up show to “West Wing.” It feels a lot more like his “SportsNight.” That’s not a bad thing. I dig the cast greatly and am glad to see Bradley Whitford play off Matthew Perry. This could be very good.

In the news
Former Fox analyst Tony Snow gave his first press briefing yesterday. He’s clear and professional. He dealt initially with the definition of “amnesty” under the House and Bush proposals. He defended the wiretapping program (without officially affirming it) by comparing it to a hypothetical Al Qaeda spying program, saying we of course are doing it with democracy and security in mind. You can watch this at the ten-minute mark. He went on to talk about the immigration speech and the use of the Guard, including the point that border governors will have to request the troops for their land. What I notice from Snow is that he uses his time to answer a question to veer off into a routine spiel on conservative policies. It’s the same stuff he said on his radio show. He teared up when asked about his cancer surgery.

+ + +

The Saudi king asked paper editors to stop running pictures of women. It could lead young men astray. Just a few hours after I read that, I heard Albert Mohler’s radio show. He’s the president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. He used his show to warn June brides to wear wedding dresses that “serve the men of the ceremony.” In other words, their immodesty can lead all the men astray. If one looks at it logically, he’s saying our women are so hot that they lead every guy astray, not just the young ones. Or he’s saying we older American guys have less control than the Saudis. Either way, dumb ain’t ethnic. It smothers the world.

+ + +

According to ABC’s chief investigative reporter Brian Ross, the government is using the wiretap program to watch the phone traffic of news organizations and reporters, possibly to track anonymous sources. This is scandalous if true and should make folks long for the days of pay phones. The two parties agree to call at a certain time and trade info. There’s nothing to identify the callers.

TiFaux

TiVo is a fantastic invention, a vast improvement of the VCR in execution and upkeep. We wanted to get one for a while to complement our DirecTV coverage. Because of my commute and Your Sister’s workload, we can’t guarantee we’ll be at home to see our favorite shows. After considering it for a while and shopping at options at Best Buy, I looked online at DirecTV.com and found their best offer: $50 after mail-in rebate. Fiddy bucks for a DVR was the best deal I found, and I called and asked after the offer. I was promptly by the operator that she could do me one better: Free. Utterly free. Hey-hey, you win, DirectLady. Within three days, we had the new receiver installed and were playing with the remote. It’s [Arnold voice]fuhnTAHZtic. [/Arnold voice] Because this isn’t really TiVo, we call it TiFaux. Before long, we had a regular schedule of shows we could not miss, and they is as follows:

Monday
Pardon the Interruption – ESPNews
Two guys argue over sports matters in timed debates. It’s simple and great fun. The show started doing something nasty a few months back: Instead of running from 5:30 to 6 as it had originally on ESPN, PTI would stop at 6 so SportsCenter could begin, and then PTI would air their last five minutes in the middle of that show, around 6:15. Rude. So, I tape the 6:30 repeat on the other channel; it includes the runover bits.

Good Eats – Food TV
Alton Brown, a Georgia chef, employs scientific formulas to explain why foods work together. It’s a half-hour of simple recipes and a smart host who’s not trying to sell a catchphrase.

Jeopardy – Local ABC affiliate
It never gets old. If Your Sister and I melded our minds, no one could ever beat us.

Iron Chef– Food TV
A 1990s Japanese game show where house chefs (French, Italian, Chinese, and Japanese) defend their pride against challengers. The host provides a secret ingredient, and the chefs have an hour to make the best dishes featuring the ingredient. The challenger can pick the chef he wants to compete with, and the fun is when an Italian chef goes up against someone cooking in Japanese styles. They use a lot of seafood, which is usually alive when they get their hands on it and for a few minutes after they are filleted or boiled. Hypnotic and a little disgusting.

Mad About You – local UPN affiliate
The only sitcom Your Sister seeks out. Bonus material: A half-hour of hilarious late-night sex phoneline ads. We have about 55 recorded episodes that we have yet to watch.

Tuesday
Pardon the Interruption
Good Eats
Jeopardy

Nova – PBS
Still a solid science show. The recent episode on Newton’s alchemist pursuits was fascinating.

House – FOX
This recently replaced “Sex and the City,” when TBS finished running that entire series.

Iron Chef
Mad About You

Wednesday
Pardon the Interruption
Good Eats
Jeopardy

Lost – ABC
Possibly the most mainstream sci-fi show ever on TV. Put beautiful people on an island, throw in plenty of mysteries, and have them stew in their distrust and angst.

Mythbusters – Discover Channel
Two special-effects guys judge the scientific feasibility of urban legends. Could Franklin survive holding a kite string hit by lighting? Could a cherry picker catapult a mechanic? Can a shipment of pingpong balls raise a sunken boat? Great, great geeky fun TV.

Iron Chef
Mad About You

Thursday
Pardon the Interruption
Good Eats
Jeopardy
Iron Chef
Mad About You

Impact Wrestling – SpikeTV
A new offshoot of the legendary National Wrestling Alliance tries to compete with the vaunted WWE for TV time and industry presence. Not bad at all.

Friday
Pardon the Interruption
Good Eats
Jeopardy
Mythbusters
Iron Chef
Mad About You

Saturday
Lucha Libre – Galavision
Mexican wrestling, all in Spanish. It’s madness.
Iron Chef
Mad About You

Sunday
Survivorman – The Science Channel
A Canadian man spends a week in remote wilderness living off the land and filming his dehydration. He carries around three cameras to document it. If the experiment is too easy, he’ll pretend to break his arm to make it fair.

What might one notice from the list? There’s only two shows we TiFaux from the four major networks: “Lost.” The only thing they get us to watch is sports. There are things we watch without recording, like the Monday night wrestling show or the gabillion reruns of “Law & Order: SVU,” and I didn’t mention the random films recorded off of IFC or TMC.

Special mention goes out to “The Ask This Old House Hour” which gives us so much. Your Sister gets her Boston-accent fix. We learn new methods of fixing up the home. But, most important, there’s the epic comedy when the hosts make house calls and get the homeowners involved in the repair. Can they keep their cool when the clueless folks ask which end of the hammer to hold? How long will they let them work a power tool before snatching it away to do the job eight times quicker? And, of course, does the scene turn into a middle-age porn scenario (“So you’ve got fluid in your basement? Should I install this extra-large sump pump? Let me show you how to hold the jackhammer, miss.”). The show keeps on giving.

Picture of the Day
A rare color picture of Lincoln

In the news
The proposed action by the Bush administration to solve illegal immigration boils down to these:

1. Beef up border patrols with more men and fancy technology including cameras and spy drones. In the meantime, use the National Guard. Maybe for a year.

2. Make a temporary work program so folks can make some money and go back home.

3. Press employers to demand legal ID from workers.

4. Without using the word “amnesty,” offer amnesty to illegals already here.

5. Reform immigration laws and tone down the rhetoric.

The first one is the more troubling as we saw with Katrina just how efficiently federal support can move. The apocryphal story lingers of trailers meant for hurricane victims sitting in Arkansas because the government won’t put them in a flood zone. I would not be surprised to see the states forced to pony up for the new technology after a small period of federal funding. This is, after all, how No Child Left Behind is handled.

+ + +

The Tony nominations are out. Best musical includes a jukebox musical (Jersey Boys), the Oprah-produced Color Purple, and the stage version of The Wedding Singer. Because Jersey Boys uses songs by Frankie Vallie and the Four Seasons, it can’t be up for best original score, and that allows the recent Andrew Lloyd Webber effort The Woman in White to get its only nod. Best play votes will be split between Shining City and The History Boys, a standout production from Britain. Sweeney Todd is virtually a lock to win Best Revival. Ralph Fiennes and Harry Connick, Jr. are up for acting awards, as is Ian McDiarmid (the Emperor from Star Wars). The mainstream news is making much hay out of the absence of a nomination for Julia Roberts in her first theatre gig. That’s a little cruel. The awards are handed out June 11.

Toodles, "West Wing"

We had dinner with Travis and Tonia at the local pub. She left early to watch The Music Man at Your Sister’s school. She said she really dug it even as other students denounced it as inferior to earlier shows. It’s a big musical for a high school to try. The songs require some effort, the first scene is a tricky layer of voices, and the climax requires a marching band. We didn’t catch it; Your Sister said the last production she saw there went three and a half hours.

On Saturday, we drove down to see my parents for Mother’s Day. I also visited my uncle Ray, who’s been given a few months to live with cancer. He’s in great spirits and looks good. Not “cancer good,” but good period. You wouldn’t know he’s sick. Mom wanted a small TV for their bedroom, and Dad and I picked her out a flat-screen to fit on the dresser. It’s nice, but we noticed the majority of TVs for sale in Best Buy include HD hook-up, which jacks up the price to triple. My parents keep asking about it, but unless they start hosting racing parties, they simply don’t need it. Over dinner, Mom failed to grasp the genius of the Spirit Squad and I promised to call her Monday night so she can tune in and watch them.

On Sunday, we had a long lunch with Travis, Kathy, and Tonia. The couple again asked us to tell them when they become distracted by their imminent baby. They don’t want to become isolated or boring. Tonia gave her some perfumed lotion and baby socks for Mother’s Day. After, we grabbed groceries and split up so I could take care of the pets-in-law. We watched the last two episodes of “West Wing,” and they were good but no great. Too much focus was given to CJ Craig as the spirit of the old guard when I would have preferred a look at Charlie. He’s the young blood that helped motivate the team and humanize Bartlett. In fact, a perfect ending would have been him becoming president in 15-20 years. Still, it’s sad to see the show go away after all this time. We ended the evening with an Eddie Izzard comedy special, and I don’t think I will ever be un-shocked by Your Sister finding him funny. I wouldn’t have guessed that.

A graduation gift: A website packed with cut scenes and images from the Star Wars films, including video of Biggs return and an expanded cantina scene. Did you know Han had a girl in Mos Eisley named Jenny? Just select the headers at the top of the page to see clips from the other films. Some of this material was presented in Marvel comic adaptations as the writers worked from the original scripts, not the final edit. I don’t remember what was in the novelizations.

Picture of the Day
This is the poster for the new Shyamalan film. Yes, that’s the same girl from The Village, a film we watched on DVD almost a year ago.

In the news
Bush will use a speech tonight to announce the use of National Guardsmen on the Mexico border. Can’t say I’m impressed. From all accounts, the Guard is taxed to the breaking point. How long do you keep them there? Is an indefinite post away from your family made any better if you’re in your own country? The effort doesn’t sound like the protection of sovereignty, but more like the protection of bureaucracy. Do we only want the poor, huddled masses yearning to breathe free if they’re white?

Back to normal

My feet still hurt. Wah.

I came home to find Your Sister asleep, and I putzed around the house for a while. She kept sleeping so I watched a two-hour show. It was soon 8ish, and it was my turn to make dinner. I started it, gently woke her up, and asked if she wanted to eat. She got out of bed about 8:30. It’s not unheard of for her to come home from work and sleep until the next morning. We finished dinner right as another head-trip episode of “Lost” started. I soaked in the tub with the recently arrived Esquire magazine.

We caught the 11 news to see if the local station did any kind of follow-up on the student alcohol story. Rumors abounded at school yesterday that it would be some sort of bombshell, but again nothing was there. Their website doesn’t have it either, which again confirms what I told Your Sister yesterday: No local station will take the time to explain how being sent home by a teacher isn’t a punishment. This is a non-story despite what teacher fears and student hopes may design. The top school story not involving molestation is about kids flashing The Shocker during a senior group picture. While the school deems the hand sign so vulgar that it will blur them out of the photo, the station started its report with footage of a student making the sign for the camera.

Picture of the Day
The cover of the new Wonder Woman comic series. She got some hips.

In the news
In what will surely fan rhetorical flames, a new report says the NSA is getting private, domestic phone records from the big communication companies. The database tracks numbers dialed, names of the callers, and length of conversations. But this is a broad wiretap, exactly the kind of thing that lead to the earlier debate about warrants and secret courts. I can understand and accept statistical tracking, but it’s another incremental movement toward open conversation eavesdropping by the state, and that’s icky enough to raise hackles among even those of us who break out in hives when we hear fascist conspiracy theories.

+ + +

A stunningly good idea has been introduced in the Senate with Hillary Clinton and others signing on: The minimum wage would rise at the same rate as congressional increases. This is such a good idea that I can’t believe any Congressperson came up with it. It won’t pass, of course, and that allows the Democrats to label the GOP as folks who will ensure they get more money but not waitresses. The new publishing cottage industry of knocking Hillary because she’s a woman is so blatantly misogynist, I hope she wins now just to see all the exploding heads.

Nous jouons au basket-ball

After much exchanging of notes and email, we had our plans for the night. A local gated community would host a picnic for the French group and, while Your Sister and I wouldn’t drive anyone else there, we would take two gals to their host families. I got home early from work and had a senseless argument with your tired and stressed sister as she couldn’t decide if she could go or not. She was pooped. But she went. Then we argued about what to wear. I supposed this would be a fancy shindig, but “picnic” said casual to her. I compromised and wore black jeans.

Before we left, we taped the local news to later watch any report about her school. One of our buddies sent two kids home after smelling alcohol on their breath. They had apparently snuck home, drank wine and come back to school. A brat decided that wasn’t enough punishment for them and called the local ABC affiliate to say the teacher had let them get away with it. They sent a camera truck to the school to get the scoop and tried to interview students after school. The teacher was scared. But the only mention we found was a 20-second blurb on the 6 p.m. broadcast, and not only did it feature no video or quotes from anyone, but what they ran apparently wasn’t what happened. The teacher wasn’t named, the kids weren’t named, and the report stated the kids were suspended. End of story. This is the same affiliate that tried to make hay from an online picture of a local gal flashing a camera in front of a firetruck. That didn’t pan out either.

Anyway, we got to the picnic and discovered that while the lake was lovely to see, we were freezing. The food was precooked and warmed but wine and hamburgers aren’t the greatest combo, you know. We sat with Valerie and Florence and Freddy and chowed down, huddling to stay warm. We offered to sneak them off to a coffeehouse (the local coffee isn’t up to their standards, but they found decent cigarettes). Then we noticed some of the teenaged gals were playing basketball and Freddy started joking about playing, even dropping the name “Tony Parker.” He’s the Frenchman playing for the San Antonio Spurs (and dating one of the “Desperate Housewives” actresses). We had enough to eat and were cold and bored. Thus, we played. Three guys against what became six gals. While we were all terrible, the guys knew the sport enough to score more points. And we were taller. To compensate, the girls started tackling us, especially Your Sister, the hellion. My shoes were not made for basketball, and I played in my socks while some played barefoot. We were out there for two hours, and then the host families started yelling for everyone to stop and go back home. We dropped off Florence and took Valerie back home to nurse jammed fingers. Freddy, I learned is a goalkeeper for his soccer team, which explains why he was good at leaping and catching the ball.

This morning, with sore feet and tender calves, I watched their last Brevard Rotary Club presentation. They met at a posh country club, and I was the only non-rotarian. I was pounced upon quickly. Who are you? Why are you here? Want to be a member? If you’re not a member, how did you host someone? I had never seen one of the meetings before. It was a stately breakfast, and Valerie has me sit with her and her Hendersonville host, a guy named John. He was her host on their first American stop, five weeks before. The meeting started with the Pledge of Allegiance and a prayer and soon moved to introductions of new people, including me. [stand] “Hi, I hosted Valerie. Um … hi.” [sit, head down, keep eating] The group donated what’s called Happy Dollars for a later drawing for half the pot. The presentation was quick as it was a short PowerPoint-aided autobiography of each French visitor. That’s when I found out Valerie did theatre too. John was a natural talker and made comments the whole time. That done, the meeting was over. That’s what they were doing officially on their trip. A dozen times in 5 weeks. We took pictures and hugged goodbye and I drove back to work. I’m gonna miss that gal. She was fun. None of the crude French stereotypes was on display. They were charming and funny, they collectively smelled good, and they at least sampled local wines. No snobbishness.

Picture of the Day
The French group. From left, a local Rotary person, Giles, Florence, Gigi the group leader, Freddy, and Valerie. I’m about two inches shorter than him.

In the news
The new PlayStation 3 has been announced to cost about $500 for the basic unit. Screw that.

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According to recent polls, Bush’s approval rating is around 31 percent.

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You know that guy who tried to hold his breath for nine minutes? The guy who wanted to set a new world’s record in a giant tub in the middle of New York? The publicity hound? Yeah, him. He’s a fucking loser. At least when Houdini was doing escape stunts, he was trying to rally the immigrant poor to believe they could do anything they set their mind to. David Blaine? He wasn’t to be the next David Copperfield. As if one wasn’t enough.

Mangeons le diner

The Asheville clubbing did not happen as the group discovered that it was a set-up: A local gal just wanted a date with one of the French guys. The rest of the group wasn’t interested in watching. That’s the scuttlebutt anyway. Instead, Valerie had dinner with the five of us last night at our place.

Your Sister made a sausage pasta dish and Valerie helped with the salad. Kathy, Travis, and Tonia brought strawberry shortcake. Tonia and Valerie started speaking French to each other right away. [Valerie has learned these words while traveling in N.C.: junk, crashing (getting sleepy), mess, huge, cute, and worn out.] Dinner went great. I burned a copy of They Might Be Giants’ Flood and offered to make a CD of Ray Charles for Valerie. She seemed to like my portfolio and my studio. I showed her pictures from my trip to France and showed the others my theatre and high school pictures (the hair. my God, the hair).

Picture of the Day
Tonia, Valerie, the wife, Travis, and Kathy.

In the news
After the jury failed to give him the death sentence, Moussaoui now says he believes he could have gotten a fair trial in America and wants to rescind his guilty plea. He thinks the jury might not have bought into the federal charges, and he might have walked. The judge says it’s too late. I agree. Moussaoui ignored his defense team’s efforts the whole way and only now does he want to trust them. Idiot.

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The resignation of Porter Goss and executive director Dusty Foggo from the CIA seems to spring from a growing bribery scandal more than his inability to manage the agency. The Wall Street Journal broke the story of congressional bribery stemming from Duke Cunningham’s recent trail and jail sentence. Goss and Foggo allegedly took part in high-stakes poker games (not so bad) that involved concealed bribes and hookers for congressman (a little more bad). The kicker: This happened at the Watergate Hotel. Yes, THAT Watergate Hotel.

Le Mission: Impossible

Mission: Impossible 3 is a heckuva movie. It starts hard, keeps a frenetic pace, and doesn't get dumb. It's a tight, tight film without the kind of breath-catching scenes one might expect. We understand the investments of the characters only as much as needed to work the plot and hook the audience. There is no fat to trim. Great action sequences, and, because his screen time is kept at a premium, Phillip Seymour Hoffman is a credible, spooky villain. To be honest though, you could plug anyone into the Tom Cruise role, and the film would still work. He provides nothing except a determined glare and his standard agape expression that signifies he's thinking on his feet. The supporting cast is charming, but one wonders if the lead actress is supposed to look exactly like Katie Holmes. 'Cause she does, and that makes even the most casual of gossip consumers (hi there) wonder if we're supposed to cheer for the real-life couple as we watch these characters jump through hoops. Before the film, we got to see the trailers for Superman Returns and Pirates of the Caribbean 2, and they look even better on the giant screen. Nacho Libre looks like a scream. When the film ended, the theatre people immediately turned on the house lights and cut off the projector in the middle of the credits. It was the most jarring a gesture to make, short of being picking us up and heaving us onto the sidewalk.

On Saturday, I tidied up the house and lawn and did the laundry while Your Sister worked at school. We watched Titus, the Julie Taymor adaptation of Titus Andronicus. She thinks it's easily Shakespeare's worst play (it's also his first), but the production design is dazzling. Anthony Hopkins and Alan Cumming compete to steal the show, but Jessica Lange is fascinating to watch. I never expected to see her deliver Shakespeare, and she does it right. I finished up Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. It doesn't feel like 700+ pages, but it's one seriously dark story. The last quarter is as spooky and dire as anything one could possibly write in a kid's book. The next books I read in the series will be the first for which there isn't a movie adaptation. All of the books so far have been vastly superior to the films, and Goblet has so much more in character, plot, and substance than the corresponding film. Still, it's 700 freaking pages. I can use this to crush garlic.

On Sunday, we met Valerie. She arrived in Brevard about 4:30 and we picked her up at a local church parking lot. Her French Rotary club arrived there from Black Mountain, and we got to meet all seven members of the group. They’ve been in the area for six weeks, meeting other Rotary Clubs and seeing the sights. They are all, except for Freddy, tiny people. Slim and short. But they have great attitudes and are thoroughly, infectious cheerful. They are conversant in English to varying degrees. Valerie isn’t the most proficient, but we can talk without much problem. We brought her to the house and set her up in the guest room. We got to know each other a bit as Your Sister and I argued over how to make tomato mozzarella salad. Valerie is a professional artist, creating trompe l’oeil paintings for houses and businesses. She also just had her first painting exhibited in a museum. I tried out some French and apparently didn’t sound too bad. She showed us her portfolio, and I showed her a copy of the comic story I did last year – the published dream story, not the as-yet-unpublished Podunk tale; the publisher dropped the ball on that one.

About two hours later, we went to a gathering at the Averette’s house. She teaches French at the high school, and he’s a town lawyer. He helped us close on the house, and he officiated the formal wedding. The party was for the local Rotary and French clubs to meet the visitors. The host families don’t speak French, so this was the touring troupe’s chance to talk easily. Valerie told at least one of her group that I spoke French and, well, wackiness ensued. There were maybe 30 people there, and Your Sister and I were in the minority who was not fluent in French. I can follow along sometimes, and I can answer a little if asked a simple question. That’s it. So I snagged the perfect position for the evening: bartender. Folks came up, picked their poison and I doled it out with small French phrases and cheers. Sante is short for a votre sante which means “to your health”).When they say merci, I offer a certainment. This is what I did the entire time. I got to talk to some of the kids of the adults and Your Sister sat with me to eat. One of the kids is her student and said I was rumored for a time to be an imaginary creation of Your Sister.

We got home about 10 o’clock. It was colder last night than expected so we offered Valerie the electric blanket. She didn’t know what this was, and we assured her we both used it and survived. It was safe. She joked about meeting her friends today and them smelling something burning. I dropped her off at the local bakery and she had her first croissant since leaving France. The group has a set schedule, but it’s pretty flexible. We asked Kathy, Travis, and Tonia to come over tonight for dinner with Valerie, but Valerie may join her group in a trip to Asheville for clubbing. The local organizer is to let us know who’s doing what, and I told Valerie to do what strikes her, and we’ll work around it.

It’s going well. The concern I had about conversations and attitudes was unfounded. We’re not subjecting her to wings ‘n’ rasslin, though. She’s been through enough.

Sketch Day
It’s getting there. This is my first crack at drawing your head. Don't worry; it'll get better. I found some online reference pictures of the Han blaster, and I’ll redo that next.